i was so upset yesterday, cuz i mean, its not like a once or twice thing. everything was going well until the end of the day.
YOU BROKE UR PROMISE AGAIN!
You know what fuck it all. its not like i expect u to spend every second of ur life wif me. But come on? christmas?? Let me tell u guys this. Christmas is just like any other day for everyone in China, but it's like Valentine's day for lovers. HOW THE FUCK DID U THINK I FELT
You know, everyone thinks we r so in love & so happy. hella girls was jelous of me in my class wen they saw the two hugeass stuff animals u got me. But so what?! You never even got a chance to give it to me cuz i barely even saw u for the whole day.
& When i did see you, u told me to wait for u afterschool & im like alrite. then as usual our class let on hella early, & rite after school, i ran to the cake shop in the freezing cold & bought u this hella cute cake. when i ran back, u were no where in sight.
Then people told me u were judging the singing competition in the gym. okay i accepted htat cuz i know thats ur duty. so i went w/ some friends too. & then i sat & waited for u for hella long. FORREALS, everyone htat i was sitting w/ left cept me. i just freaking sat there, ur friend was nice enough to help me look for u. But in the end they had to go too & gosh, they were soo surprised that i was STILL waiting for you. I'VE BEEN SITTING THERE ON MY ASS FOR 2 HOURS.
Then i saw u in the crowd & i could have sworn u saw me too. But u just went rite on talking to the people around u. FUCK YOU! even if u didnt see me i knew ur friends told u that i was there waiting. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO WALK TO THE BACK & SAY SOMETHING TO ME??
You know wat hurt even more, one of my classmates & her bf were rite in front of me cuddling. Gosh, i felt like total shit! && you do not know how many stares i got from randomass dudes. Fucking akward just sitting there by myself.
I couldnt take it anymore so i left...On the way home..it was soo dark & i felt so scared cuz these two men in fornt kept looking back staring at me. Forreals so i took the long way home even tho i was already late coming home. when i passed the lake, i almost wanted to dump ur fucking cake in it. but i thought to myself, why should i, i wasted hella money on this, mite as well eat it.
& when i got home, i got yelled at by parents for coming home so late. then rite wen i got home, u called my home phone. gosh i didnt want to pick up but my dad did, & i had no choice but to talk. heres how it went
Me: hello
You: eyy can u come out now
Me: no
You:Ohh come onnn, how you expect me to carry these huge stuff animals home.
Me: idk
***complete silence for 20 seconds****
You hung up
So this is how i spent my Christmas..siting at home eating my cake. Somehow, it made me feel better
But you know what, im strong, i didnt & will not cry over some stupid guy.
Idk how im gonna face u later on, but....
im thinking maybe its not so bad being single now.
I know i said im happy wen im wif u, but u also cause me so mcuh emotional distress.
& wen i sum up the happy times & sad times....guess which surpressed hte other?
"never make someone your priority when ur only an option"
seriosuly, im not gonna make my life revolve around u no more. Lol come to think of it i never did. You say im the most important person in ur life, but Saying is different than Showing.
Ha, i DONT need a man to mae me happy;
Merry Christmas to You & have a nice life.
^ p.s idk how to say all of the above to his face....But w/e
Que Sera Sera, w/e will be will be (:
I still love him a lot, and im postive he does too...but *sign
Im a emotinal mess right now
Oh & i read over my post & yes i do realize how much i sound like just any retarded teenage girl ranting about her on&off love life. Yes, i know i said i wont turn into this..but i've changed. Love changes people.
Lie about how i really feel
"I need and want a man who can face everybody and proudly shout how much he loves me. I don’t need a guy who’s only there when I ask him to be. I don’t need a boy who can never show how much he cares for me. If he can’t stand up for what he feels, how can he stand up for me?"
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