Forgive, not Forget

That day of the race..400m relayy..
Omg, im glad i got to watch him run [:
man he was sooo fast, it was crazy
his class was third and he was the last to run.
& boom* they got first
yay congrats.
im happy for you
but that doesn't erase the pain.

Anywaysss, something happened later that day.
My first time falling into a complete trance..it was crazy!
so this stupid guy was making stupid jokes bout me & my bf
lol it was actually kinda funny cuz he went through my pencilbag and made everything in it somehow related to my bf.
for example: eye drop
his comment: omg, i bet this is wat u use to seuduce ur bf, u make it seem like ur crying, making him feel so bad, then he would hug u & u guys would have a mad madeout session.
[ LOL it was a u had to be there moment, the way he described it...LMAO i almost died laughing ]

anyways, after that...was wen i got hypnoticed o_o
he was like look into my eyes. i was like wtf but i did. then slowly he squinted them,lowered his head & used a hella slow soothing voice saying:
"imagine that im him, imagine ur looking into his eyes"
OMGGG! for like about two seconds i was completely hyponoticed by his eyes.
Like, nothing like this ever happened before..my mind completely went blank

Shit...it was so embarrasing cuz after i snapped outta it i completely went red & everyone saw. grr T_T i couldnt help it. now i see that guy with a complete different view. forreals, he should be like the master of seduction or something. but then again..he's also an asshole. but aha...my reaction was so embarrasing

Complicated

ohh! another thing thats kinda bothering me about my bf:
Him & His Complicated Love Life(s)
so like lunchtime me & some girls went to this restraunt & hella pigged out while blabing. aha idk y , but i really like wen everyone sits around the table & just get into the conversation. plus the atmosphere is so relaxing and we can blab on & on & on. yea, & the food is yummy <3

anyways..we got onto the subject of guys...again, aha. then we were talking bout how some flirty girl from class 7 [ my bf's class] got w/ someone from our class.
believe me..for ppl that have love lifes here...OH MYYY, it gets crazy -_-
anywayss, someone was like, u know she got w/ ur bf before too. then all these details of who my bf got w/ came pouring out. =_=

okayyy, like wtf? i think i would be better w/o hearing about em. so far, i know that he dumped a girl becuz she actually liked bugs and collects em. & he took this girl away from my friend.[my friends first love btw,he liked her soooo muchhhh] lol the same friend that liked me before..mhm...so yea..i guess thats y my bf & him dont get along like before no more ...cuz i guess once again, he stole a girl from him. annd i know that he's hella hella hella of a flirt. & some other random details bout them other girls he dated.

i also found out his class is really weird..how do i describe this..it seems like the "datable" people in their class all gone out w/ one another at some point. O_O
& i guess they are moving on to other classes. -_- class 8 <-- my class i remember i asked him about it...he's like yea, i had nothing serious w/ em tho,just playing. ha, should i take his word for it?
ha, i wonder..do i even wanna be with him anymore? idk
i still like him..so much
but thats not enough of a reason no more
cuz he dissapoints me so much
& everytime he does
i feel like my heart is tearing apart what i do know is..i've became kinda dependent on him.
i can't imagine life single now..
i dont like what im turning into but...
if i wasn't in a relationship
life would seriously be so empty for me,
but thats only becuz im here -_-
if only i had my bffs w/ me..
i probably wouldn't ever need a guy

...

The Lonesome Orange

sometimes i soo feel like the orange.
yea poor orange

aiyaa :/

havn't been posting lately ;p hehe got lazy & too much shiet going on.
sooo um updates go into three sections .
family life, love life, and social life.
social life & family life is pretty chill....for now.
love life....
grrs, where should i start. man, just thinking makes me pissed..
idk..dont really wanna even think about him rite now but for updates sake
so heres wat happened yesterday.
after school, i decided to surprise him by waiting for him for once..his class always lets out hellaaa late so yea. plus we havn't spend time together for about 4 days now & we dont get much chances in school...& i missed him. HELLA
why cant u see that?

so i was just standing there wif my friend who was also waiting for her bf. we were just talking ...then after standing around for thirty or so minutes, his class finally let out. then we just asked this dude to tell him to come out. after he came out i was like ready to go? & he's like, its my groups turn to clean the classroom. i was like its okay, i'll wait [ tat shiet usually takes no more than 5 to 10 min anyways] he's like alrite, then he took this cloth to the bathroom to wet it, this is wen i started to get pissed, cuz he was doing this slowww lazy walk tat he thinks is sooo cool or something.
btw, it was already hella dark at that time. felt like night already.
anywayss...another 10 min past & i finally saw his ass walk back into the classroom to clean, & im like okay, this souldnt take long.
another 10~15min past. STILL DIDNT COME OUT! thats wen my friend's bf came down, so yea. they waited w/ me for a while but had to leave cuz her bf had swim practice & it was getting helllaaa dark.
SO IM WAITING BY MYSELF FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE ETERNITY! he still dont fucking come out & i felt like i was freezing my ass off. plus everyone in my classroom left & the hallway turned hella dark. so i walk over to his classroom door. omg! this is the most frustrating part, there he was SNAIL LIKE MOVEMENT wiping the blackboard. WTF??! dont u know to hurry up wen ur gf is waiting for u outside?? what am i to you?? & the worst part, hella ppl felt sorry for me for standing out there for so long. i hate it wen ppl pity me..

Thats wen i finally said fck it. & just walked home by myself in the cold dark winter with my sore legs [ thats from running 800 m ] SHIT ! i felt hella pissed, so pissed i almost cried. AT THAT MOMENT. I HELLA WANTED TO BREAK DOWN! some of you mite say im such a fcking drama queen or watever. but gosh, no guy should make a girl wait that long. & this aint the first time.


i felt like nothing, like dirt, what am i to him? i seriously do not deserve to be treated like this. i felt wats the word...um unappreciated. FUCK! & i was still hella pissed this morning but wen i told my friend[ the one from yesterday] she was like aww u should be that pissed, if i were u i would just go up to him & hit him call him a butthead or something -_- okay yea. but im not her.
& u know wat, her & her bf make me hella jelouse. they r so cute! & they been together for over a year now so they r basically hella comfortable w/ each other. he would dicth school wen she's sick & go by her house to cook for her. THAT IS SOOO CUTEE ! makes me hella jelouse as fck. grr ...


soo today...he comes up to me like nothing happens & just puts his arm around me. thank god there was a bathroom next to me. i said i had to go in & just shrugged him off. he so stupid. i swear, he did not notice anything wrong. he did not notice that i havn't been making eye contact w/ him all day. what an ass.
but yea..i cant believe im still upset over this.
idk..it just hurts. like needles through my heart.
in conclusion..i still feel like shit
thank you for tearing my heart up in pieces & not even realizing u did it.
~THANKS A LOT ASSHOLE~
but then again, i guess im a dumbass for falling for assholes.
idk how to face him tommorrow..i guess im just gonna have to force myself to smile

Tae Yang

hehe damn, taeyang's seriously what u would call a hottie with a body ;D was watching some of his mvs, and omg, he just gave me the feeling of Chris Brown o_o
hehe, a kroean Chris Brown, thats hot (:
some people would call him a wannabe and cocky
but you know what, to me he's sexy, fresh, and helluuhhh fine
aha maybe not original but u know...
its really hard to be these days
everything that was suppose to be original turned mainstream ;p

p.s. theres a couple of guys in my school that remind me of him. hehe. yeah they have the same hair & face shape & body ;D
mhm sexy, hehe but i already have a bf so i needa stop daydreaming bout em

Some Hot Guys ♥

hehe. enjoy (:







Bob Dylan got em sexy eyes ;D


p.s. white guys are getting hotter & hotter to me ♥_♥

A Letter For You

Who the fck do u think u r. why would u get the idea that ur better than everyone else. I fcking cant stand ppl like u! If i was the old me, the one with the crappy temper i soo woulda cussed u out today. but yea, i changed! & u should hella too before u make EVERYONE hate u. do u know how many ppl can even stand u now? so little that i can count em in the back of my head. yea, that's rite, i said ppl that can stand u! not even ppl that like u.

ur soo snobby & bitchy! Can u please start acting like a guy??! FYI ur not a girl, stop acting like one. a bitchy one too! just watch ur fucking mouth. u think ppl would just take every mean insulting thing u say as a joke. FUCK NO! SO STFU! u stupid bitch, ur lucky im so good-tempered now.

If u dont got anything nice to say, dont even fcking talk to me. & dont even try to just come up to me & insult me on sht like my grades, or my relationships, or how i look! Cuz my grades areee farrr by better than urs even tho u've been here hella longer than me, Don't blame it on the fact that ur too lazy & if u did study hard u would be better than me. NO, U WOULDN'T . IM JUST SMARTER THAN YOU. PERIOD! & For my relationships, Dont hate on the fact that i have more friends than u, dont hate on me cuz teachers like me better. yea they would like me better considering how im so much more hard working than ur lazyass. Don't hate on me becuz i "already" have a bf, as u would say even tho i havnt been here for long. & Don't even TRY to insult me on my looks! i have enough confidence to know that i am good-looking. or at least farrr more better-looking than you will ever be. SO JUST SHUT UR LITTLE KOREAN ASS UP!

Grr..i hate that i have to smile all nicely at u everyday wen ur dumbass be swaying back and forth in front of my desk, talking to me & annoying the sht outta me..but then wtf can i do. This is like the image i created for myself here. The nice girl. the girl thats always smiling always friendly & never gets angry. WTF??! THAT IS NOT ME! omg -_- That girl is not me..becuz i admite i can be pretty bitchy at times. But u know wat, its okay for me to be a bitch. im a girl. ur not. thats all the facts we need. Plus, i would never be a bitch to someone for no reason. i've learned better to judge a book by its cover. But damn! when ppl get as annoying as u, i have no choice but to be a bitch. yet now..i have to hold it all in. Just becuz im nice to you doesn't mean u can just say watever to me.


But of course..i needa stop thinking about ur stupid sht, becuz that would just make me more mad. I'm a person that likes to find the good in people, & i admit ur pretty chill at times..yea but only "AT TIMES" wen ur bitchyness dont act up & u act like a normal human being! but u know..i cant take ppl wif em double personalities. so yea..i can't promise next time u act like a bitch to me, that i would be able to hold it all in.

In Conclusion, i got two words for you " Watch Yourself"

Growing Up

*Yea, growing up sucks. all the freaking drama. i miss the times when we were too stupid & innocent to hate on each other.. *sign good times


[from my quotes notebook]
I think only when i get over this...thats when i truely become happy, *sign..but then again. im only human

Places I Would Wanna Go With You (:

*sign yea...someday.. [:

So True ! (:

"She won't call you, you have to call her. She won't come talk to you, you should go talk to her. She's not going to let you act stupid and pretend she likes it. You should just be around her. When you're with a group of friends, she isn't going to run into your arms no matter how much she wants to.You need to come up behind her and wrap your arms around her and let her friends get jealous. She loves you more than you can imagine, no matter how much she doesn't show it. But you boy, you need to show her how much you love her. So she isn't afraid to show it back."


“ A soulmate is like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Well, actually they don’t make you a better person. You do that yourself, because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone whom you’ll keep in your heart forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, they will always be there for you, and love you for everything that you are. ”


“ There’s one thing a quote does that nothing and no-one else can do; it can become a part of you. You may never meet the person who said it, but that person is now a companion. Quotes help you get over pain. Feel loved. Make you smile and laugh and help you through those tough days when you think no one else knows what you’re going through. ”

Just Because

Just Because – I’m quiet–doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say.
Just Because – I appear happy–doesn’t mean everything’s okay.
Just Because – I’m sarcastic–doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously.
Just Because – I forgive–doesn’t mean I forget.
Just Because – I don’t listen to you-doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Just Because – I’m gullible–doesn’t mean you can lie to me.
Just Because – I’m stubborn–doesn’t mean I’m not easy going.
Just Because – I don’t show my feelings–doesn’t mean I don’t have any.
Just Because – I don’t say I love you–doesn’t mean I don’t.
Just Because – I’m honest–doesn’t mean I’m outspoken.
Just Because – I’m not like you–doesn’t mean I’m weird.
Just Because – I’m unsure–doesn’t mean I’m afraid.
♥

Stuff I Want

Last one before i go do hw [:


This is like the most gorgeous nail polish color i have ever seen ! Dont you just love it too? grr hella want it !


mhm..why dont i ever see em sell these here.. hella wanna get one for my bf tho (:
It would have a hella special meaning to it


hehe, it's just plain awsome, admit it [;

My Teddy Bear <3

Gosh if only i can carry you anywhere with me...then i think...i think everything would be alrite.


Every minute i spend with you feels just like that


That cold winter day..really wished i could have worn your jacket home w/ me...but then again, you gotta consider the mom factor ;p

Not the Best Chapter of My Life

Left behind #3,5,and 8 When I moved ..


Picture Says it All


Because

Did You Know...You Can Type Google as Gewgle.com & It'd Still Work? ;D

What Makes You Happy ?

Advice for Bad Days + Some Blabing

Okay so, food is my cure for a bad day, seriously, it works! the last two days were good but today was so blah. i always feel so...idk..just this weird feeling when my friend goes to hang wif her bf. & she's nice cuz she would ask if i wanna join em but damn..akward much. OH! random fact: in China, the third wheel is called the light bolb LOL "dian deng pao". anyways..it just makes me think where the fuck is my bf ;p *sign..idk. blah you know what. fuck it. i know u guys r probably tired of reading about my BS so ima try to stop.

Omg, my mom & I has been having issues too! dude, i think its cuz like..she never thinks before she speaks! she is such a BIG MOUTH! i swear. ugh. & what she dont realize is that wat she says really affects me. Gosh! it hurts my feelings. Ugh..just makes me so pissed. but you know. ever since i moved, i've became so good at holding in stuff. i know that ain't good but i lost the will to express my emotions to ppl. i have accepted the fact that they will NEVER get me. Mite as well get over it


Okay so when your down and you just wanna be by urself, besides food, i go on these hilarious websites, hehe they make me laugh:
fmylife.com
failblog.org
graphjam.com
lolcats.com
orr i just blog it out [:
Some Other Ways:
1. take a walk.
2. have a deep talk w/ someone
3. Sing your favorite song out loud
4. watch a chickflick
5. read some inspiring quotes
6. EAT EAT EAT! i eat it all out, i dont give a fck & you shouldn't either

My Day

mhm.. so today everyone went on this field trip to the Japan/China War Memorial Museum. at first,it was kinda boring cuz we had to stand in the cold for so long. but later, when we could go anywhere we wanted, it got better. but omg!inside the museum, there were pics of wat the japanese did to the chinese...oh man it was sooo horrifying. they would carve out their instestines while they r still alive...DUDE THOSE JAPANESE SOLDIERS BACK THEN R SOO CRUEL & HEARTLESS! it hurts to see pics of wat they did. *sign..but history is history. it can be forgiven but it can not be forgotten!

anyways,later it got boring again...so me & some friends snuck away from the group & found this place..omg that place was CREEEPYYY! there was this memorial stone to this dead dude rite next to the rock we were sitting at. & someone kept playing creepy music from her cell. lol, felt like halloween. Anyways..they brought sooo many junk food, damn think im getting fat again ;p

mhm...loneliness still didnt go away..still kinda felt empty even wen i was w/ all those ppl but w/e. it got better. so while they were pigging out on junk food. i left the group & i stood at this place. omg it was sooo amazing. i was rite on top of the highway, so close to it. & there was just all these cars zooming by under me. lol i sound stupid but yea..i had this "moment"

Anyways, ohh something made me happy today tho. so someone bought this paper mini hot air balloon, we are wrote our wishes on there & lit it. took us hella long to get a fucking lighter and hella long to lit it up. omg & in the end, it somehow resulted in a fight between someone & their bf ;p akward.. but you know wat..i had another "moment" as i watched our hot air balloon fly...IT FLEWW SO HIGH TOO ^-^

the ride back home was tiring..ppl in my class r so retarded. was singing this song bout this girl & boy in our class, it goes like this. one person sings" who does *** like" 10 other ppl shout "###" then it goes "who does ### like", more ppl shout "***" & on & on. lol lame but they make me laugh. but seriously , i think this is considered bullying, like picking the fugliest girl in the class & slowest[ as in kinda retarded-ish] dude in the class & constantly teasing em with their stupid songs. aha & the teacher dont even care. i dont think china teachers care bout this sht, its sad -_-

A good thing about today tho, we got out hella early for once. 12:30 ! aha. yay ^-^ so me & my bf went to the park & we just literally sat on a bench for 3 fcking hours just making out & talking. lol. he is soo cute. aha, he's the only person here who can make me laugh & feel truely happy. hehe so today, he actually got down on one knee & make me promise him i'd marry him one day.lol we were playing..or at least i was, but i promised [: ahahha, hella made me laugh cuz he was so cute while he was doing it. & a few ppl kept staring at us cuz i guess we were still wearing uniform. lol we must be hella disgracing our school ;p

oh but heres something i hate about china. wenever u show PDA everyone stares. like wtf, get a life! hella rude, some ppl even go as far as doing a 180 degree headturns while riding their bikes ;p WATCH THE ROAD !

mhm..even tho im not in love yet. But Damn! i am so in infatuation rite now. his kisses are so amazing, & i just love every minute wen im / him. he makes everything better, & everytime i throw a fuss, he's always comfort me by doing all those cute things. today, i got kinda frustrated w/ him, & he actually knelt on the ground in front of me asking me to forgive him. Lol, at the end i couldnt stand to see him kneeling anymore, so yea, aha but grr.. so cute.

I'm glad i found him [: i can talk to him about ANYTHINGG! i swear..nothing is too personal to talk about wen im w/ him. aha & i do tell him almost everything. cept for the empty feeling i feel...i know he won't understand cuz he's never been through it. he's always surrounded by ppl & i know he almost never gets lonely. & plus if i tell him, i'd just make him feel bad...

*sign..whew! that was a long post, aha, but i guess im just in a blabing mood rite now ;D
p.s our four months in 4 days ^-^ he says thats the longest he's ever been in a relationship...mhm..that kinda makes me wonder..lol 7/10/09~???

Random Question: Whats the difference between being in love & loving someone? [im sure im not IN love...but i like him soo much...is it enough to be love?]

I "Love" You

^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^ ^3^

What's love? im not sure anymore. i think im in love & the next im out of it. i say i love you but...do i mean it ? i dont even know myself no more.

"A smart girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left" - Marilyn Monroe

So does this mean im a smart girl? *sign...i fit this quote so perfectly though. i kiss the guys i go out wif but i dont "truely" love them. I listen to their sweet talks but i never believe when they say stuff like : "i'll love you forever". And once i sense that the feeling is gone(even if it's still there for me)...i would w/o a doubt leave them before i am left. i figure it's less painful that way.

That's just me.... i was never that gullible girl,never the one dreaming of fairytale endings, never the one who would oh so easily fall hard for a guy. Maybe the way to my heart is just too narrow.. i just havn't found my "the one"

I have a fear tho. WHAT IF I NEVER FIND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE?
what if no guy will ever make me truely love them?
*sign...no no no ..these stupid thoughts need to be wiped out from my head /:

Well ima make the best with wat i have. cuz seriously, u never know wat you got until it's gone. i have a great bf who i care about a lot. i should be very thankful(:
i should... [sounds like im tryna convince myself LOL]
[ a page from my quotes notebook]
i "love" you my teddy bear <3
~ BaBy Your the Diamond in My Life, I Swear I Don't Ever Want to Lose You
Even though i can't give you my whole heart, i'll try my best to give you all the love i have to offer...i hope that's enough for now.
&I promise i won't make you wait too long.

Mini Me

hehe, im bored so i'll post some more pics i found (:





&Heres some of me now (:


p.s i dont think i changed that much from wen i was little.