Lately , a lot has changed

yeah, i know i've been distant lately, u guys there r busy & im busy, so i never have time to talk to u guys no more. um yeah its sad. i recieved ur letter, its just that i havnt really got any time to just sit down quietly in a relaxed state of mind to reply. I've just been really out to it lately.

Um..lets see, i realized something. before my mom said something about my hands...she said that i had so many lines on em, my life must be full of stuff. yeah, i get what stuff she means now. I dont think im the type of person to have a calm peaceful life. forreals, i know my kind of personality. people either really like me or they really hate me. & u know wat, i no longer give a fck no more.

today, i got helluh pissed afterschool. this bitch...ugh, she was fucking pissing me off so i just ran up to her & told her to shut the fuck up and started yelling shit back and forth,i forgot wat i even said. Lol, i dont even remember the last time i was so straight up yelling in someones face but u know wat, it felt good cuz hell no im not gonna let ppl just stomp all over me just cuz they think i wont do anything cuz im "too nice".

If u guys knew wat she was saying and in wat circumstance she was saying it in, u guys would be helluh pissed too,i regret it, shoulda just slapped that bitch, but there was this fence between the field and the outside.

If i could summarize my life right now it would be drama drama drama. But hey, hate all u want bitch, i still got the one thing u want the most but cant take away from me.

So yeah,,,i've really been kinda of a mess lately,but hey, at least life is not boring no more. i got bunches of ugly hater fobs hating on me. hahahaha, bring it on cuz i dont fucking care.

But to be honest with u guys..i dont really like my self like this. This bitchy side of me, the one thats been full of hate and anger has always been a part of me, i just havnt showed it for a long time. And now, lol....my bf seen me like this numerous times now...i just completely lose control sometimes when im with him, and im surprised i didnt scare him away yet.

I dont get why im always so full of hate now, forreals, i admit it, i turned into a complete bitch. there's three ppl on my mind rite now that i wanna beat the shit out of. ughh....wats wrong with me. why am i soo full of hate???this is interfering with everything and sooner or later, its gonna ruin me.

I wish u guys were here...turn me back to the old me again...please. My heart's gotten colder, my view's gotten darker, and i hate wat im turning into but i cant stop it. i wanna be carefree and happy again, is taht so hard?