It hurts. why do i keep reading those words over and over again. why?
"i will make u love me "
FUCK THAT STUPID BITCH WHO SAID THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!
i needa chill, i needa stop reading, i needa stop being so obesessive.
i just needa stop. But really, i think im just in too deep. i never meant to love u this much. i never thought i'd get so hurt over a stupid guy. i never thought i'd turn into those stupid girls. never, but now, i realized one thing, and that is in life, anything can happen.
i never thought i'd be here, but i am
i never thought i'd lose u, and now im slowing losing u
i never thought i'd care about education so much, but now im enlightened
i never thought i'd be this empty, but now look
i never thought i'd be such a bitch, but no i am
i never thought i'd care so much, but now i do
>>expect the unexpected.
During these few days, i felt really enlightened by those ancient chinse literature they make u learn in school. I use to think it was useless, waste of time how teachers make u memorize them, but as time passed, i began to understand them, understand the meaning behind it. And i have to say, they make so much sense now. When i find myself in a bad mood, for some reason i'd always think back to those quotes..aha. i've changed (: for better or for worse, i guess that's not for me to decide.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Bad Mood
I hate it, im so mad, why im i so mad? its over right? but i cant help it.
i hate it when bitches think they can just go up at take ur guy,am i really that unthreatening? fuck it, i hate how u act so nice to them too, why would u wanna lead someone on and make them like u more? u didnt do anything wrong, no, but it hurts me real real bad. She has a bf now, that hoe chased four guys and one by one, they turned her down and now she has a bf. Ha, i laugh...
It's over,gone, but time and time again images of u laughing with her flashes through my head, u guys dont talk no more, why am i tripping? i cant even find a word to describe how im feeling right now, no im not jelouse, i will not be jelouse of a ugly skanky hoe like her. im hurt..i feel like i cant grasp u, cant hold on to u,that any girl would think they can just go up and take u. IT HURTS. and u being mean doesnt help and all.
Ur mad, im mad. ur hurt,im hurt.the end
i hate it when bitches think they can just go up at take ur guy,am i really that unthreatening? fuck it, i hate how u act so nice to them too, why would u wanna lead someone on and make them like u more? u didnt do anything wrong, no, but it hurts me real real bad. She has a bf now, that hoe chased four guys and one by one, they turned her down and now she has a bf. Ha, i laugh...
It's over,gone, but time and time again images of u laughing with her flashes through my head, u guys dont talk no more, why am i tripping? i cant even find a word to describe how im feeling right now, no im not jelouse, i will not be jelouse of a ugly skanky hoe like her. im hurt..i feel like i cant grasp u, cant hold on to u,that any girl would think they can just go up and take u. IT HURTS. and u being mean doesnt help and all.
Ur mad, im mad. ur hurt,im hurt.the end
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Mess
so recently,me&him had another one of those break ups. and I was really upset or w/e.
today,I went out with this other guy.we didn't do much cept go get my broken cellphone fixed and drank some coffee and talked.yeah,u guys may be thinking so what,nothing wrong with that, but the thing is, my bf(ex,but let's just call him that)is really concerned about this dude,he thinks we're too close when in reality, we are not even that close. my bf became really controlling and especially telling me not to hang out with that guy. that guy apparently bothers him soooo much that he gets mad if he even as so stands behind me. yeah and the weird thing,they're "friends"
throughout the day, I kept feeling bad, like I'm doing something wrong when I'm not cuz technically we broke up. I hate that I'm letting his controllingness get to me,like wtf, it's my life,I know I should just completely stop this cycle of lovers->strangers->friends->lovers with him but I just can't !! I'm am ashamed of myself -_-
anyways,I just hate that feeling of guilt when deep down,I know I'm doing nothing wrong, I know he's too controlling, I know...
night hits and I started getting more messed up in my head. like that guy texted me and told me he wanted to go watch this movie. then proceeded to ask me if I seen it and that it's a good movie and told me he wanted to see it tommorrow at this theater. well,what do you think people would ask after that-_- I started feeling so... idk, but I avoided the question, thank god. cuz I think if anyone saw us they would just automatically think it's a date just cuz it's the movies..and cuz we've been told we look like a couple.
I'm still talking with my bf right now but havnt seen him for four days after that fight. maybe I should just keep it this way.. lol, I'm just kinda getting sorta close to people, but at the same time, distancing myself. that's what I've been doing with most ppl here cept my bf, till now that is:p
I'm starting to feel really messed up in the head. and boy I already know he's really messed up. but let's see how long my brain will win against my stupid retarded heart..
today,I went out with this other guy.we didn't do much cept go get my broken cellphone fixed and drank some coffee and talked.yeah,u guys may be thinking so what,nothing wrong with that, but the thing is, my bf(ex,but let's just call him that)is really concerned about this dude,he thinks we're too close when in reality, we are not even that close. my bf became really controlling and especially telling me not to hang out with that guy. that guy apparently bothers him soooo much that he gets mad if he even as so stands behind me. yeah and the weird thing,they're "friends"
throughout the day, I kept feeling bad, like I'm doing something wrong when I'm not cuz technically we broke up. I hate that I'm letting his controllingness get to me,like wtf, it's my life,I know I should just completely stop this cycle of lovers->strangers->friends->lovers with him but I just can't !! I'm am ashamed of myself -_-
anyways,I just hate that feeling of guilt when deep down,I know I'm doing nothing wrong, I know he's too controlling, I know...
night hits and I started getting more messed up in my head. like that guy texted me and told me he wanted to go watch this movie. then proceeded to ask me if I seen it and that it's a good movie and told me he wanted to see it tommorrow at this theater. well,what do you think people would ask after that-_- I started feeling so... idk, but I avoided the question, thank god. cuz I think if anyone saw us they would just automatically think it's a date just cuz it's the movies..and cuz we've been told we look like a couple.
I'm still talking with my bf right now but havnt seen him for four days after that fight. maybe I should just keep it this way.. lol, I'm just kinda getting sorta close to people, but at the same time, distancing myself. that's what I've been doing with most ppl here cept my bf, till now that is:p
I'm starting to feel really messed up in the head. and boy I already know he's really messed up. but let's see how long my brain will win against my stupid retarded heart..
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Happiness, where are you?
Today, i've had that feeling again. that feeling where u feel like u don't belong, ur not good enough, ur so lonely that u just wanna dig a hole in the ground and hide urself. I guess u can say it's pms. actually, throughout the day i was fine. i was in a pissy mood and bickered with helluh people. It was when i came home that i started to feel the emoness.
During all those fights that he had, to all the hurtful things he said to me, about how much i've changed, everytime, i would get mad, but wouldnt have a comeback. It made me think, maybe he's right. I have changed, but i thought it was for the better. Im getting along with more ppl..."getting along" thats the most i can say for myself. But why? is it really cuz i changed into something i would never imagine myself to be?
i feel like im losing everyone around me..the people i actually care about, and getting closer with the ppl that i dont. It makes me mad, cuz no matter how close i may appear with someone here, i wont ever truely care for them as much as i would with my real friends, him included.
I havnt been talking to some friends for helluh long. since school started, i dont even have anytime to go on aim and chat like before. I feel so stressed ];
Life is a mess and everything is upside down. I shouldn't be talking to these ppl more than my bffs, we shouldn't be fighting all the time, school shouldn't be this stressful,i shouldn't be losing myself......
happiness has left my front steps for a long long time....please come back, i miss you.
or maybe...it's up to me to go looking for it
During all those fights that he had, to all the hurtful things he said to me, about how much i've changed, everytime, i would get mad, but wouldnt have a comeback. It made me think, maybe he's right. I have changed, but i thought it was for the better. Im getting along with more ppl..."getting along" thats the most i can say for myself. But why? is it really cuz i changed into something i would never imagine myself to be?
i feel like im losing everyone around me..the people i actually care about, and getting closer with the ppl that i dont. It makes me mad, cuz no matter how close i may appear with someone here, i wont ever truely care for them as much as i would with my real friends, him included.
I havnt been talking to some friends for helluh long. since school started, i dont even have anytime to go on aim and chat like before. I feel so stressed ];
Life is a mess and everything is upside down. I shouldn't be talking to these ppl more than my bffs, we shouldn't be fighting all the time, school shouldn't be this stressful,i shouldn't be losing myself......
happiness has left my front steps for a long long time....please come back, i miss you.
or maybe...it's up to me to go looking for it
cuz i love taking pictures [:
this is right before bed; i tied my hair in a bun that day and wen i took it off, this is what happened to it. LOL,i had to take a picture
My little adventure
Few days ago i went to the zoo, its like those safari typa zoos where they take u to go see animals in a caged car, and drive all the way up to the mountains then u walk now urself to see the lil unharmful animals.But like i guess we went to the wrong zoo cuz this one was soooo freaking far away, it's like right beside the great wall of china[omg,u know our promise to climb it M?i dont think i wanna no more, its no fun, lets do something else ;DD, japan forshuree]um yeah , so we basically spent hundreds on transportaion! Anyhooss...i saw something i will neverrrrrrr forgett! omg, like im forever haunted >< Did anybody know that lions fck almost exactly like humans?? O_O
ew..u can even see the *****. LOL, i felt like im on discovery chanel or something ;D so like the female was sleeping and the male just came over and totally just stuck it in. then the female woke up and bitched slapped the male. LOL! it was hilarious
yay horsey [:
felt helluh bad for the elephant cuz there was only one and it seemed so lonely T_T
teehee
fun day cept i got sunburned ;p
ew..u can even see the *****. LOL, i felt like im on discovery chanel or something ;D so like the female was sleeping and the male just came over and totally just stuck it in. then the female woke up and bitched slapped the male. LOL! it was hilarious
yay horsey [:
felt helluh bad for the elephant cuz there was only one and it seemed so lonely T_T
teehee
fun day cept i got sunburned ;p
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Possessiveness
So um..i can finally put a name on ur problem. You are really possessive, or u turned really possessive. Last night, u told me the only reason why ur like this is becuz its a habit. You said when u were little u would never let anyone touch ur favorite object, ever. Now i became ur favorite? As much as u say it's becuz u love me, i really dont think that's the case now.
You tell me i can't talk to anyone w/ my cell,I can't talk to guys unless it's something important, and i cant even touch guys as in the bump into kind. Don't u think ur a bit paronoid, it's not fcking healthy! and when i tell u to stop being like that, u would just say "u cant even do that little thing for me?!" It's not that i can't, it's becuz i have absolutely no good reason too except that u would get mad. But come on,it's getting a little outta hand. And when u asked me out again, why do u just automatically assume i would agree?you told me on my birthday u were planning to take me out but then u saw me having so much fun(yeah rite)with others that u got pissed and ended up eating dinner urself.wtf? was that a food explanation or something??
Seriously, i dont think i can live like this. i read some syptoms of possessiveness online, and omg, u fit into most of the categorys. Try to isolate me from people, tell me im the only one u truely care about in ur life, talk shit about guys i talk to,and get mad when u dont know where i am. Ur not exactly clingy but u r possessive. It says the best way is to just break off the relationship but idk..
You tell me i can't talk to anyone w/ my cell,I can't talk to guys unless it's something important, and i cant even touch guys as in the bump into kind. Don't u think ur a bit paronoid, it's not fcking healthy! and when i tell u to stop being like that, u would just say "u cant even do that little thing for me?!" It's not that i can't, it's becuz i have absolutely no good reason too except that u would get mad. But come on,it's getting a little outta hand. And when u asked me out again, why do u just automatically assume i would agree?you told me on my birthday u were planning to take me out but then u saw me having so much fun(yeah rite)with others that u got pissed and ended up eating dinner urself.wtf? was that a food explanation or something??
Seriously, i dont think i can live like this. i read some syptoms of possessiveness online, and omg, u fit into most of the categorys. Try to isolate me from people, tell me im the only one u truely care about in ur life, talk shit about guys i talk to,and get mad when u dont know where i am. Ur not exactly clingy but u r possessive. It says the best way is to just break off the relationship but idk..
Nails (again)
I dont think i posted these?
My FAVORITEEE nail polish everrrrr, just cuz it looks so creamy
kinda a bad job ;p
teehee nothing special
My FAVORITEEE nail polish everrrrr, just cuz it looks so creamy
kinda a bad job ;p
teehee nothing special
Roses
Yeah..the butthead waited outside my door for two hours then gave me roses;p
& like any stupid girl i......well yeah. ugh, ashamed of myself.
Purse
Close up (: hehe i love it, the only bad thing about it is that it doesn't match most of my outfits );
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Birthday ~2010
So lets do a summary of how it went. woke up in the morning, mom first said happy birthday to me. Ate, went to school. Omg, nobody said happy birthday to me until like second period and gave me chocolate. Then, Lol, my teacher actually remembered and gave me a hug. blah blah blah i was helluh sleepy.
Lunch came and went to that restraunt i invited everyone too.[honestly, i wasnt planning to do anything on my b-day cuz i had a feeling it was gonna suck but then im turning sixteen so...*sign] Sat down, ordered, talked, & ugh, i was just feeling really unhappy for no reason. Then more ppl came with these fancy candles, Lol, the only FUN PART was when they couldnt light the candle and almost flicked specks of fire everywhere. Fire finally lit, sang happy birthday, made a wish. i wished i could achieve this secret goal of mine and find a worthy guy (: LOl, cheesy i know, w/e. Was helluh full, and this other table sent us some drinks and another plate. Then this guy on that table payed for our tab. it was probably like 200 yen or something, hehe that guy's really nice. Actually i feel bad for him, his family is rich and ppl always hang w/ him to freeload and sht, and i felt really bad cuz he left before i could say thanks.
The rest of the day i felt helluh unhappy, i mean i felt almost no joy no happiness, idk where my happy cell went but i was feeling even lonelier than before. I HATE THAT FEELING!!! omg, see the reason i dont like celebrating b-days becuz on the day, ur just SUPPOSE to be happy, but when ur not, it comes out to be a HUGEEEE dissapointment, u feel worse than before cuz u know ur suppose to be happy. Ugh, fuck, i shoulda just stayed at home. I swear im not gonna celebrate my b-day no more until i can actually find someone that i LIKE and can make me feel happy on my b-day.
Also, im single, & this time, it's forreal, the b-day wish i made, that guy is never gonna be him. I'm just sick and done w/ it. He said happy birthday to me and said that he was only being polite. Okay so u had a fight w/ me over the stupidass things u always get mad for, then it's my b-day, u dont celebrate w/ me and tells me happy birthday at 7 p.m over text saying ur just being polite? I wanna smack that mother fucker. No matter how ppl r,how old u get, their b-day is still very special to them and ppl would like a warm-hearted "happy birthday"
#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&
&& thankkkk you for remembering even tho the time difference. yep yep, u always remember my b-day ^^ LOL & i always remember urs.
*muah kiss kiss hug hug
Its almost midnight and i can finally say goodbye to my crappy Birthday.
Goodbye. i don't look forward to u next year.
Lunch came and went to that restraunt i invited everyone too.[honestly, i wasnt planning to do anything on my b-day cuz i had a feeling it was gonna suck but then im turning sixteen so...*sign] Sat down, ordered, talked, & ugh, i was just feeling really unhappy for no reason. Then more ppl came with these fancy candles, Lol, the only FUN PART was when they couldnt light the candle and almost flicked specks of fire everywhere. Fire finally lit, sang happy birthday, made a wish. i wished i could achieve this secret goal of mine and find a worthy guy (: LOl, cheesy i know, w/e. Was helluh full, and this other table sent us some drinks and another plate. Then this guy on that table payed for our tab. it was probably like 200 yen or something, hehe that guy's really nice. Actually i feel bad for him, his family is rich and ppl always hang w/ him to freeload and sht, and i felt really bad cuz he left before i could say thanks.
The rest of the day i felt helluh unhappy, i mean i felt almost no joy no happiness, idk where my happy cell went but i was feeling even lonelier than before. I HATE THAT FEELING!!! omg, see the reason i dont like celebrating b-days becuz on the day, ur just SUPPOSE to be happy, but when ur not, it comes out to be a HUGEEEE dissapointment, u feel worse than before cuz u know ur suppose to be happy. Ugh, fuck, i shoulda just stayed at home. I swear im not gonna celebrate my b-day no more until i can actually find someone that i LIKE and can make me feel happy on my b-day.
Also, im single, & this time, it's forreal, the b-day wish i made, that guy is never gonna be him. I'm just sick and done w/ it. He said happy birthday to me and said that he was only being polite. Okay so u had a fight w/ me over the stupidass things u always get mad for, then it's my b-day, u dont celebrate w/ me and tells me happy birthday at 7 p.m over text saying ur just being polite? I wanna smack that mother fucker. No matter how ppl r,how old u get, their b-day is still very special to them and ppl would like a warm-hearted "happy birthday"
#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&
&& thankkkk you for remembering even tho the time difference. yep yep, u always remember my b-day ^^ LOL & i always remember urs.
*muah kiss kiss hug hug
Its almost midnight and i can finally say goodbye to my crappy Birthday.
Goodbye. i don't look forward to u next year.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Hey
Everything's been so hectic since school started. The hw is overwhelminggg ]; I cant sleep well everynight too, LOL but i guess that's cuz i waste time & get distracted easily.Chemistry & Physics is so harddd ! ]: *sign. let me list the hw i have this weekend :
Chinese:1.translate a ancient poem thingy
2.memorize translations to two more of those
3.look up 20 definitions to chinese idioms
4.Write an 600 word essay
Test on Mon.
Math: workbook p.21 #1-16
test on Tue.
English: Short essay
Test on Wedn.
Physics: Two papers full of helluh hard questions
Test on Thur.
Chemistry: memorize the 1-20 elements on the periodic table in order
Test on Fri.
I think i win at who's more stressed out about school. all this plus my b-day on wedn. which i still dont know if im gonna be able to celebrate or not.I just feel like taking a day of from school and staying at home by myself. My bf being an ass. Anddd these art projects my teacher keep making me do.
Yes, i do feel like time goes why fast but it only goes by fast when ur too busy to notice it. Why do i feel like i wasted my teenage years? The happy memories i've experienced seems long gone and my future plans seems even more far and unreachable. Life is not suppose to be like this. i dont even know wat happened.
Chinese:1.translate a ancient poem thingy
2.memorize translations to two more of those
3.look up 20 definitions to chinese idioms
4.Write an 600 word essay
Test on Mon.
Math: workbook p.21 #1-16
test on Tue.
English: Short essay
Test on Wedn.
Physics: Two papers full of helluh hard questions
Test on Thur.
Chemistry: memorize the 1-20 elements on the periodic table in order
Test on Fri.
I think i win at who's more stressed out about school. all this plus my b-day on wedn. which i still dont know if im gonna be able to celebrate or not.I just feel like taking a day of from school and staying at home by myself. My bf being an ass. Anddd these art projects my teacher keep making me do.
Yes, i do feel like time goes why fast but it only goes by fast when ur too busy to notice it. Why do i feel like i wasted my teenage years? The happy memories i've experienced seems long gone and my future plans seems even more far and unreachable. Life is not suppose to be like this. i dont even know wat happened.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Hair Cut
hehe cut it myself like always, now it's really thin. hehe i dont like other ppl messing w/ my hair ;p
I Hate it when....
1. People break promises
2. Someone calls me their best friend when i dont even consider myself at all close w/ them
3. Girls stare at u like ur some weird shit. [even tho i do it sometimes when i see pretty girls ^^]
4. People cuss in every sentence
5. People never say thank you
6. People gossip NONESTOP
7. People have nothing to talk about except gossip
8. Im standing next to a petite girl and i look like this freaking giant! thats why i hate having super short friends, except this one dumbutt ! ^^
9. People are all up on my face squinting and asking me "did u put on makeup" OMG, like STFU.
10. Someone reply to my texts slow
11. I realize i just missed a chance to get to know someone
12. People expect me to know who they are on the phone cuz most of the time, IM WRONG! and they get offended.... ;p
13. There's a weird pause on the phone
14. Guys get to know me only for one reason
15. Guys are too shy to talk to me themselves! immediate turnoff -.-
16. People tYpE LyKe THiiSs.
17. People get all worked up just cuz my bra strap is showing! calm ur shit down, it's only a bra strap !! [maybe this is like a cultural thing or something but im sick of it!]
18. Guys think they OWN me. gtfo
19. People dress crappy, im sry, i know this sounds bitchy and superficial but i cant help but notice these things, i just wanna go and fix them up
20. Girls dont shave when they're helluh hairy!!
21. People talk to me one second and act like they dont know me the next
22. GIRLS GET AT GUYS WHEN THEY KNOW THE GUY HAS A GF. thats just low
23. People who dont check themselves before they think they're all that OR THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO GET W/ SOMEONE ELSE'S MAN
24. People cant get serious when i need them too
25. People secretly take pics of me w/o me knowing and i end up all moded -.- [all the timmeeeee]
2. Someone calls me their best friend when i dont even consider myself at all close w/ them
3. Girls stare at u like ur some weird shit. [even tho i do it sometimes when i see pretty girls ^^]
4. People cuss in every sentence
5. People never say thank you
6. People gossip NONESTOP
7. People have nothing to talk about except gossip
8. Im standing next to a petite girl and i look like this freaking giant! thats why i hate having super short friends, except this one dumbutt ! ^^
9. People are all up on my face squinting and asking me "did u put on makeup" OMG, like STFU.
10. Someone reply to my texts slow
11. I realize i just missed a chance to get to know someone
12. People expect me to know who they are on the phone cuz most of the time, IM WRONG! and they get offended.... ;p
13. There's a weird pause on the phone
14. Guys get to know me only for one reason
15. Guys are too shy to talk to me themselves! immediate turnoff -.-
16. People tYpE LyKe THiiSs.
17. People get all worked up just cuz my bra strap is showing! calm ur shit down, it's only a bra strap !! [maybe this is like a cultural thing or something but im sick of it!]
18. Guys think they OWN me. gtfo
19. People dress crappy, im sry, i know this sounds bitchy and superficial but i cant help but notice these things, i just wanna go and fix them up
20. Girls dont shave when they're helluh hairy!!
21. People talk to me one second and act like they dont know me the next
22. GIRLS GET AT GUYS WHEN THEY KNOW THE GUY HAS A GF. thats just low
23. People who dont check themselves before they think they're all that OR THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO GET W/ SOMEONE ELSE'S MAN
24. People cant get serious when i need them too
25. People secretly take pics of me w/o me knowing and i end up all moded -.- [all the timmeeeee]
Dear ________,
I know ur upset over what happened with ur cousin but maybe ur gonna just have to accept the fact that people change and even the best of friends are gonna dissapoint u at one point or another. I mean forreals, can u count the numbers of time u dissapointed me? and that day i left, i mean what u DIDNT DO was really hurtful and disrespectful. If i was like u, i would have stopped talking to u right then, cuz ur damn right i was pissed, i just didnt show it.
But hey, what im trying to say is that u cant always be stuck on the past, i mean seriously, sometimes its better to be forgiving, cuz honestly, it's also make u feel better inside too. So yeah, just move on w/ ur life and stop being childish about it. Cuz family is family no matter what. They can be annoying but there's nothing u can do about it.
But hey, what im trying to say is that u cant always be stuck on the past, i mean seriously, sometimes its better to be forgiving, cuz honestly, it's also make u feel better inside too. So yeah, just move on w/ ur life and stop being childish about it. Cuz family is family no matter what. They can be annoying but there's nothing u can do about it.
What do you do when the feeling's just gone?
So today, my friend was telling me about how she recently broke up with her bf of two years and got together with a new guy. She talked about how great the new guy was and how happy she is now. Honestly, i thought she was kinda cruel to do that to her ex cuz i knew him and i thought he treated her really nice to her. Talking about her really lovingly, always surprising her with presents,introducing her to his parents..Sure they had lotta problems in between but i still thought they were cute.
she said that the feeling was gone with him, and every time he called her wifey or baby she's actually get disgusted.
>>>now the guy got together w/ someone else too, Helluh quick ! But you can tell he's hurt.
Yeah..i thought she was cruel...until i experienced the same thing. i guess i've never been able to put a word on the feeling im having but now that i think about it, maybe i just don't love him anymore...lately, he's really been pissing me off,even tho some of it is probably not his fault. his dad is really against him dating..yeah, even more so after the last time we got caught..... But still, i feel like he just cant make me happy no more.
1.He's afraid to be seen outside w/ me
2.I dont get to spend much time w/ him no more
3.We dont have late-night phone calls like a couple should, in fact, it dont even have to be late night phone calls, just those deep talks, no i cant talk about that shit with him. NO MORE
4.He's helluh not romantic.
5.& lots more little things that bugs me
I know he really cares about me, and wanna make me happy but im just sick of telling him exactly what to do so he would get it. We are not a couple no more, so why r we still all kissing and sht. So we do all the physical things[dont't think wrong] a couple do but not the emotional bonding things? That's just simply not gonna work for me.
People say that when ur in love, you just cant seem to see the other persons flaws, both inside and out. Now,im just pissed about every little thing he does, and honestly, i dont even feel like he's as atractive as i thought he was no more.
I pulled out an old diary entry of the first few days of our relationship. Damn, i was so giddy, saying how i thought he was the perfect guy and that im so lucky to have met him cuz he brings out the best in me. Now? i cant even find much good things to write about him no more.
Let's say really really really broke up, no friends with benefits thing, if i see him w/ someone else, i would still be helluh hurt. now in my head, im just asking myself over and over again, "what should i do?" i dont wanna hurt him or myself. This feeling of not loving him no more but not being able to give him up? its confusing as hell, and it really isnt fair to him.
This is just a rant, i know it's long, w/e. im in an emotional mess rite now.
she said that the feeling was gone with him, and every time he called her wifey or baby she's actually get disgusted.
>>>now the guy got together w/ someone else too, Helluh quick ! But you can tell he's hurt.
Yeah..i thought she was cruel...until i experienced the same thing. i guess i've never been able to put a word on the feeling im having but now that i think about it, maybe i just don't love him anymore...lately, he's really been pissing me off,even tho some of it is probably not his fault. his dad is really against him dating..yeah, even more so after the last time we got caught..... But still, i feel like he just cant make me happy no more.
1.He's afraid to be seen outside w/ me
2.I dont get to spend much time w/ him no more
3.We dont have late-night phone calls like a couple should, in fact, it dont even have to be late night phone calls, just those deep talks, no i cant talk about that shit with him. NO MORE
4.He's helluh not romantic.
5.& lots more little things that bugs me
I know he really cares about me, and wanna make me happy but im just sick of telling him exactly what to do so he would get it. We are not a couple no more, so why r we still all kissing and sht. So we do all the physical things[dont't think wrong] a couple do but not the emotional bonding things? That's just simply not gonna work for me.
People say that when ur in love, you just cant seem to see the other persons flaws, both inside and out. Now,im just pissed about every little thing he does, and honestly, i dont even feel like he's as atractive as i thought he was no more.
I pulled out an old diary entry of the first few days of our relationship. Damn, i was so giddy, saying how i thought he was the perfect guy and that im so lucky to have met him cuz he brings out the best in me. Now? i cant even find much good things to write about him no more.
Let's say really really really broke up, no friends with benefits thing, if i see him w/ someone else, i would still be helluh hurt. now in my head, im just asking myself over and over again, "what should i do?" i dont wanna hurt him or myself. This feeling of not loving him no more but not being able to give him up? its confusing as hell, and it really isnt fair to him.
This is just a rant, i know it's long, w/e. im in an emotional mess rite now.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Things i bought
So i bought the skirt in the airport for 200 yen, and the shoes in XingJiang. idk which shoe goes better with the outfit,dirty mirror ;p
shoe 1
shoe 2
cus it was cute
i also bought this big wallet and some little things. didnt really shop much cuz where my grandma lives isnt really a place for shopping, but the food was fantastic! ^-^ everyone gained weight there cept me, muahahaha!
shoe 1
shoe 2
cus it was cute
i also bought this big wallet and some little things. didnt really shop much cuz where my grandma lives isnt really a place for shopping, but the food was fantastic! ^-^ everyone gained weight there cept me, muahahaha!
Trip to XingJiang
Here's some pics from my trip, i didnt include any pics of my family members cuz they mite not like it LOL ^^
Miles and miles of sun flowers
took some home but they died T.T
It's called the bottomless lake
the car we took to go on the huge road trip. how huge was the road trip? we went to the borders of two countries
Border of Russia
Ancient statue of a women as u can tell my the boobies LOL
Looks like a painting and im photoshoped in
Border of something something -istan
Isn't this amazing, its some kind of red flower that could be used in cooking and ppl just spread em on the ground to dry it
A dam like place. it's beautiful
hehe cattles!
just so u get an idea of how blue the water is
view from the plane
Byeee beautiful XingJiang. i cried when i left my family. in fact everyone cried ];
OH & btw, if ur wondering why im wearing dark long clothes, its cuz out in the wild there, theres lots of bugs and some plants u wouldnt wanna touch. im not even kidding about the bugs, they be jumping around everywhereeeeee !
Miles and miles of sun flowers
took some home but they died T.T
It's called the bottomless lake
the car we took to go on the huge road trip. how huge was the road trip? we went to the borders of two countries
Border of Russia
Ancient statue of a women as u can tell my the boobies LOL
Looks like a painting and im photoshoped in
Border of something something -istan
Isn't this amazing, its some kind of red flower that could be used in cooking and ppl just spread em on the ground to dry it
A dam like place. it's beautiful
hehe cattles!
just so u get an idea of how blue the water is
view from the plane
Byeee beautiful XingJiang. i cried when i left my family. in fact everyone cried ];
OH & btw, if ur wondering why im wearing dark long clothes, its cuz out in the wild there, theres lots of bugs and some plants u wouldnt wanna touch. im not even kidding about the bugs, they be jumping around everywhereeeeee !
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Worst Day Everrr =.=
So today we went to this huge famous amusement park in china called Happy Valley. Woke up late and literally took less than 2 min to get ready. Rode the subway backwards (my fault =.=) Then went in and played this water ride. Things were alrite. THENNNNNN, omg i swear i will NEVER play those spinning teacup things no moreee! i know they're for kids but *cough cough, SOMEONEEEEEE spined the wheel helluh fast and wouldn't stop. i swear we were like the fastest spinning teacup!!!(<--LOL) That feeling, feels like ur lying down yet spinning outta control at the same time. Everyone in line was looking at us, and i covered my eyes cuz i felt soooo sick, i ever heard someone say:" Look that girl is crying." So yeah, after that,i was sooo sick i had to sit down for helluh longgg! its the WORST feeling ever. After that, we didnt go on anymore rides. 160 Yuan per person for this is BS! i was soo pissed but i just couldnt get that feeling to go away. *sign, tommorrow im flying off to XingJiang, Byee byeeee lovess <3 ;D
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