"A person without a reputation is like a world without its population, unknown and mysterious"

^ anyone who has a reputation for anything here is talked about. im NOT kidding. nobody's off the hook.if u weren't shit talked about then that just means ur really unknown & not worth talking about.

hdjfhakfhag

I should be happy right. But the more i love him the more i miss him, the more i want him by my side. Didn't get to spend time with him after school cuz his friend was hogging him again -_- ugh.
So i just kinda chilled with the girls,it's not the same. We found a spot on the stairs & started talking. But forreals, im sick of their BS. 90% of wat they say is shit/rumors/gossip about other ppl. Like damn, i loveeee gossip but even im sick of their topics. Everyone talks liek nothing is wrong with themselves.
*Sign, finally went home cuz i couldnt take it anymore!
Today was soo blah.
i wish i had a bf who had all the free time in the world to spend with me but i know once i get what i want, i'd get tired of it. LOl, happens everytime :/

2/25/10, Our First Fight.

I don't wanna mention what the fight is about cuz that's personal...but yeah, it really got me pissed to think my bf would say something like that to another girl, even if he was fucking joking. His reason? becuz i told him to. Wtf, i was kidding!

So yesterday, the more i thought about it the more pissed i got. First time i actually got angry with him in front of him. i don't like being emotional okay. so yeah, he was tryna make it up to me but i kept saying "go away". he even said, come on, if ur mad, hit me, take it out on me kay? hit as hard as u like. Wtf? how could i have the heart to hit him, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO! of course, i could never hurt him like that....& i DO hit hard, i wouldnt forgive myself if i actually made him bruised :/ So, he kept following me & i got madder, so i yelled at him to stop, but he's all like, its in my free will to go whereever i wanna, u cant tell me wat to do. then we walked in silence, wen we got to this fence, he freaking pushed me against it, and wouldn't let me go. But forreals guys, the more i thought about it the more pissed i got ,so i kept using helluh force pushing him away....it looked like rape..we got awkward stares O_O

then....in a helluh sad voice, he said : "dont push me away"...somehow, that sentence seemed like it had another meaning to it. so yeah, again we stood in silence, with my arms limp on sides :/

after a while, he finally let go. By this time, i was madd to the extremes! he was tryna make me feel better but in the end,you know wat i ended up saying?
it's cruel & untrue but people say things they dont mean wen they're mad okay.
Here's how it went:
Me: You know wat? im gonna straight up tell you this, you can do watever u want from now on, because i dont give a damn no more cuz i no longer love you
Him: Don't say that
Me: I-SIMPLY-DONT-CARE-ANYMORE
Him: You sure?
Me: yes.
*he walked away.....
so to get to my house i gotta walk the same direction as him. psh, from the back, he looks as care free as ever. wen i got to the entrance, i walked in. That's wen i started regreting wat i said, and helluh thoughts went through my mind then. I was thinking about how sad i would be if the guy in my life was anyone else BUT him, & about how a part of me would be missing, about how akward we would be, about how much i still love him.....

I did, something i never did in my life...my legs just chased after him. yeah, it was a long run cuz he was pretty much way ahead of me. I chased until i saw him in sight...then i stoped. i wanted to call out his name, but i was mute...
so i followed him for a few minutes.
That's wen he finally let go of the act...it was so sad to watch....his head went helluh down, his pace slowed, and i saw his arm doing the tear-wiping motion ):
I couldn't resist anymore, so i just ran up from behind and hugged him. we stood like that for a minute, it was weird cuz cars & ppl passed O_O but i didnt care at the moment. After a while tho, i felt so stupid but doing that and i started to let go but he wouldnt let me.
Another minute passed...................
he finally looked back at me.......his eyes....holy shit, at that moment i wanted to hit myself -____-

Then more silence& tight hugs then we finally talked. He said we were seriously over after i said that,,,but he said that even if we werent together, we'd still be friends, best friends, he'd still talk to me, walk me home...
I said, i dont think i would accept us being just friends. Then i told him i regreted wat i said, and i got really sad.
Then he said he would never wanna be with anyone else but me, and that he really loves me with all his heart,i was the only one, and that he never would have thought i would chase him & that he was really happy i did, yadda yadda yadda, mushy stuff :x

um um um, then after that i said something to him that i normally wouldn't. i said that at that moment, i really wanted to XXXX. *cough yeah....it was a in the moment thing. But what he said totally took me by surprise O_O
He said that most of the time he really is a big pervert ;p but he said that even if i wanted to do taht with him. He would resist because he wanted to protect me &that he'd be able to wait becuz he really loves me. Lmao, then he added, "#*@^, i wasnt planning to tell you,oh well"

aha, by tat time fireworks went on behind us. it was as if it was celebrating for us lol.
i had a good nice, warm feeling even tho we were both HELLUH freezing. hehe then it was happy time ;D *cough
It got really late & we both gotta go, but we were helluh reluctant. he's a meanie, wouldnt let me kiss him one last time cuz he says taht'll make me come back for more ;p
Aha, well anyways, got home really late & was helluh late to family dinner. everyone was waiting for me & i felt really bad but im glad they understood. i stayed extra long talking to them. Finally decided to start hw, but had to return a call to my friend first.He was telling me my bf's friend asked him to call me asking where my bf was. Gosh, honestly, i dont like that firend of his. It seems liek he hogs all of my bf's time -_- i dont like it..but wat can i do, i needa give em guy time too :/ *sign Ended up talking for an hour, then dad yelled. so it was nine-ish already, but five min. later answered another call, dad yelled again. ]:
So i switched to texting. Got so sleeeeeeeeeepy, i just gave up on hw. yep the end. That was how Feb. 25 went. Happy ending at least (:

p.s That was a long post it got a lil more personal than i intended hehe. but it's okay i guess, i didnt tell many ppl my blog address, so its pretty much private-ish (:

Awful day...

today I made my bf cry...everyhing got better tho...*sign, so now I don't doubt how much he really loves me anymore.he's serious. okay yeah yay, but still, I can't promise that I won't hurt him later on...
anyways it's been a really emotional day,I did a lotta things I normally wouldn't, I'll blog bout it later..
guys I really wish I have someone here I can vent to about relationship problems...the girls don't know shit and I don't trust them && guys? well..I'm afraid it'll spread to my bfs ears :(
* signnnn, be thankful for wat u have ting.. it could always be worse

DOMO

Seems like every girl out there is all about hello kitty nowadays. Personally i don't get wats the deal with it and how the hello kitty hype even started.hehe i love DOMO moreee! i freaking needa find myself a domo sweatshirt! ;D
LOl, saw some in japantown long ago, man regret not buying it then :/

Ohhh jelouse !

Miss it & i always will

To Die For

LOLOL, cutiee piee <3

Firecrackers Again (;

Yesterday was one of those helluh "on" days for me. By that i mean i looked helluh good. Foreals, i dont think i ever looked that good in my life ! yeesh it's a shame tho, i tried taking pics when i got back but it was already ten-ish so yeah, bad lighting :/

Chinese traditions are weird, so i thought after new years u not suppose to do firecrackers no more but turns out yesterday was suppose to be some kinda of breaking out of the new years week day? im not making sense but it's called "破五" yeps fifth day after the new years, firecrackers were even bigger & louder than new years day.

aha it's something u can only experience in China & for once, i felt lucky that i was here. BUT ONLY FOR LIKE A SEC ! lol, it was crazy tho, seems like everyone went outta their houses to do firecrackers ! any big empty space was occupied by ppl, and all thru the ground, there was these red firedcracker paper things. It was crazy, them firecrackers sounded like bombs, scared the shit outta me O_O
hehe but it was nice being there with my bf right under the firecrackers while they sparked the sky. yep, nice warm feeling ^-^

Um oh LOL, helluh funny moment. So i was just standing there in my bf's arms watching em firecrackers wen this creepo walked by. O__O damn, he walked right in front of us and kept staring at me while smiling at the same time. Lmaoo, then bf got pissed & was all like "oh no he didn't" ahahaha. lol it's so hilarious watching him throw his lil fits.

let's see, wat else. Oh! MY MOM SAW US! lol yeps, he was walking me home and my mom saw us but being the cool mom that she is, she purposely dodged us to avoid it being akward ;D LOl she scared the shit outta me tho. cuz later when she told me, she kidded and said my dad saw too. i freaking believed her! damn, shoulda seen the way i was hypervenalating !
Call me weird but for some reason i just dont want my dad to know i have a bf. cuz how should i put this. In his mind, im still that innocent,dumb, lil girl. LOL i dont wanna ruin that image in his head !

Mhm. this time firecrackers didnt go past mid-night but damn.. still helluh O_O
LOl my bf couldnt go home cuz there was too many ppl blocking the road with firecrackers. LOLOL. now u get how crazy it was. mhm, it was fun tho, we were suppose to do firecrackers too but i was scared so yeah. :P
i have this big fear for firee! Nothing will make me change my mind bout that !
FIRE IS DANGEROUS~~~~!

My bf's an ass and i'm a dumbass for liking an ass ]:

So guess wat i just found out ? mhm..something that i was suppose to know long time ago? shiet maybe im PMS-ing but i feel helluh pissed right now & i needa vent.
actually i feel more useless than pissed .

I just found out that my bf's teacher called his mom informing her on our relationship -__- lol first off, i'd like to say asian teachers are bitchasses, GTFO of our bussiness shit. aha but my teacher didnt call my mom so *whew

But yeah...then he got kinda grounded. All this happened and he didnt even bother to tell me until now. helluh dissapointed in him. his reason? he was in a bad mood and plus he didnt wanna make me worry.
here i am thinking, if ur in a bad mood, shouldnt it make u wanna come to someone for support even more? And i'd rather be worried than not know nothing.Fuck, not to mention, im in his fucking GF. This is not what a relationship is suppsoe to be like. Your not suppose to just talk to someone when ur happy. Fucked up shit.

Shit, im sounding like a whiny bitch but w/e. it's that time of the month LOl, i have an excuse. but shit, i guess on a part, it's my fault too cuz i havn't really been being there for him...but it just makes me sad. Cuz if this goes on, our relationship is not gonna last.

And if i ask ppl for advice, most will just say talk about it with him...yeah i should. but idk why these kinda talks r so hard to blurt out..
*sign...we'll see how it goess, we'll see.

Picuturee

hehe just finished taking a shower, crappy hair & outfit but hey, cut me some slack, im at home (;

mhm..i DEFINITELY look more natural w/o makeup ! aha depends on which look im going for, innocent or mature


that's the smile i fool everyone with...they'll never guess wats behind it...
p.s look at em cheeks ! im a freaking chipmonk T_T

People i want to meet

SO like when i say people i wanna meet & that person happens to be a guy..idk mix signals rightt. but it's soo not like that :/
In my earlier posts, helluh early, i mentioned a guy i wanted meet. i mean i thought he was pretty cool and we were kinda friends before me & bf were going out. And so during one of the school's winter concerts, i sat next to him & just started to talk to him. i asked him did he see my bf, LOl not the best conversation starter but idk wat else to say.
so he made an effort to call him and even looked around for me but couldnt find him. so he just sat back down. so i tried starting a convo with him but ..how should i put this, this guy sitting next to him kept staring. like wtf. so we talked...and dayum, everyone said he changed, but wow. he really did...he wasnt that friendly, talkative guy i knew before....it was kind of a dissapointment.
But yeah, im glad i tried cuz i wont ever regret not trying right ? (:

So few weeks ago, there was this other time. mhm...before i even knew his name, i heard him ask his gf[now ex] who i was&stuff. i didnt think much bout it. But then his name became more and more famous in our classroom cuz like four girls were all crushing on him. LOL
Aha, therefore i got curious. Lmao, so we had this project once where we had to do surveys. So i was just out on the field with my friend. it was my turn to ask questions & i saw him afar. & my firend was like:" oh look its him"
So i just went up to him randomly and was like" hii wanna do a survey?"he seemed really nice and was helluh willing to do our survey unlike some other dumbasses. aha so i started asking him questions, and we had a lil conversation. Then my friend kept saying i was so brave -_- buhh he's so nice, no wonder so many girls fall for him (:
After that, his friend said something along the lines of..."stop hitting on the pretty girl, u have a gf" and dragged him away *cough...akwardness.....
After that, i didnt see him around much, and when i did, he was with his gf..it was weird, he stared at me when i past him, i wanted to say hi but idk....
grr i regret not getting to know him better :/
im gonna force myself to smile at him next time !
aha better to be stupid than to regret right (:
p.s i hope it won't seem like im hitting on him, but i just really wanna start meeting some "real" people. Not fakeass bitches.

Thoughts=Future

So i think our thoughts do determine our future...idk, last night i had helluh bad feelings about shit, idk what. then the next thing i knew...i was purposely picking a fight wif my bf and we both got mad...
So then i got helluh upset and emo..i kept having these thoughts about what life would be like w/o him here. LOl, after i hypervenilated for the whole night, i started thinking happier thoughts. telling myself to cheer up & that everything is gonna be okay.

LOl yeah guys..im a loser kay, i gotta pep talk myself everytime i get upset about relationship problems. Cuz here,i cant tell anyone my problems cept my bf. 99.9% of em r just curious, not caring. plus they wont GET it. so screw that.
Well so woke up in the morning feeling better. & picked up my phone and saw his text, it said : "亲爱的，我好想你。" [baby, i helluh miss you]
Lol yeah....then he said helluh cheesy shit but hehe. i guess everything is alrite now.
So do Chinese New Year mean a new beginning too? if so, then ima try to be more positive and actually make an effort to get to meet those ppl that i actually wanna meet.im gonna start with a smile ;D But im also gonna be more tollerant of ppl that i dislike....*cough, its gonna be hard :/
aha..but idk, lets see how long this will all last kays (;
my mood swings are killer

Picture Edits

LOl best friend saw my post & edited it for mee ;D yayy , altho u cant really see much of a difference in the second one. scroll down for the pic before edit (:

look!so skinny ;D hehe

Bad Feeling

Oh gosh, so many NOT happy emotions running inside me right now :/ something is WRONG! i can feel it...its just i dont want my feeling to come true.. please dont.
ugh..i dont want school to start. its not the learning, its the people. i dont think giving myself a two week vacation is enough. i need more! i needa freaking get away from here...

Pictureee ;D

Oh how i wish i knew how to photoshop. my pictures always turn out so crappy & unedited :/ mhm..oh well...keeping it real ;D
This was before i went out for family dinner (:
ew my outfit & hair but i was in a rush so yea. only FIVE MINUTES to get ready ! hehe but finnished before my parents so i took some pics.
oh man i was sooo sleepy...almost fell asleep at the table. LOL

*cough i look fat ;p


hate how my freckles appear in pictures. ugh so gross ):
freckles are NOT cute, sorry, just my opinion.

Redecorating My Room

well u guys know how chinese ppl like to clean their house on new years. hehe so i cleaned and decorated a lil.
i want my room to look more japanese :/

BAMBOO ^-^
lol not the best but i had to make do wif the materials i had

Lightswitchhh ! lol jeweled up

posted a pic of this before but i kinda changed the design.
lol messy i know. oh well [:

I wanna get more materials for room redecorating .
i want my room to look more relaxing-ish ;D

Firecrackerrss

LOL its almost four a.m and there's still some firecrackers outside.LOL Asians and firecrackers ;D mhm i took some pics from my room. these were all taken on the 18th floor ! dayum some firecrackers flew so high i got scared they were gonna hit me or something LOL








hehe its the first all nighter i pulled this year. whoohoo? grr but no fun & im getting sleepy :/
&& yes i do love taking pics from my window, view is always so amazing (:
anyways, HAPPY NEW YEARS AND V-DAY! [:

Last Snowfall of the Season

So i think yesterday was the last snowfall of the season, & omg it was so pretty! i love snowy days, espicially at night. i cant explain it but its just really pretty. when it snows at night, the snow kinda just reflects the street light shined upon it and night feels like day (:
the sight is amazing, i couldnt help but take pics


You definitely dont see this kinda scene in SF

Complete Valentine's Gift

My complete gift (:
hehe so gonna spoil him !

This freaking box of chocolates costed me 134 bucks -_-
*sign, oh wells, hope he grow fatter ;DD

P.S when i went to the store, there was like only one aisle on Valentine's Day choclates. All others were Chinese NEw Years shit. wtf, so little love ];
hehe oh well, idc if ppl dont celebrate V-day here, im gonna just go along with it.
i just wanna surprise him & make him happy. lol he always spent so much on our dates i feel bad ]: soo lala, i hope he my prez (:

P.P.S My mom is so awsome. she actually helped me pick out the box of chocolates for my bf and helped me payed for half ;D
hehe iLoveHer ^3^

Cuteness [:

LOL, i can so relate.




LOLOL fucking random!

aha this was a pointless post (:

My Valentine(s)

Havn't blogged for a while..mhm, umm i guess helluh people are pissed that V-day is on Chinese New Years Lol, so guessing most of us traditional Chinese people ain't gonna be celebrating. is it me or does it seems like Valentine's Day suddenly turned into such a big deal as we grew older. well, personality, im not really upset that i dont get to celebrate V-day wif my bf, cuz everyyydayyy is Valentineee's day when your in love, hehe.
Anyhooos, spend two days making this for him, lol skills right ;D


Its exactly 143 hearts[counted like 10 times -_-] lmao, does the box look familiar to anybody (; psttt, its the box for the cute underwears bestie got me the day i left for china ;D aha sryyy but couldn't find any other boxes ;p it still is kinda empty if u tilt the box tho. im thinking of putting something else in there.
chocolate? cologn? boxerss? ahah jks, thats so kinky.
oh wells, i got the idea of it from this picture

aha if i did it like that, it would kill me before i finish. hehe, yea, but mines is prettier!

um lets see, i made a valentines day card for my other hubby just cuzz, lol we both loners on V-day so yea ;D itsss pretty, but im not gonna post up pics yet cuz its suppose to be a surpirse (: mhm..i mite mail it today so yea, be patient.

lol, i seriously love doing this shiet tho, decorating stuff! if somebody offered me a job doing something like this, i'd take it in a second. hehe. yeah its fun and i dont even feel tired doing stufff like this (: