Ranting

im so bored rite now so ima rant.
wanna know wat i noticed in china?
okay no matter wat part of chine ur in, the hottest guys are always the ones that work in salons ;D yesh, total hotness. cuz those guys know how to clean up nice. damn everything bout em is so fresh & sexyy. aha i get happy wen i see eye candy.
ohhh which reminds me.
So like yesterday i was walking home, & in front of me was these two cuties. omgg but i have this thing...even wen i think someone is cute, i resist the urge to check em out. [by check out i mean staring em down wen i walk past em] LOl cuz i think thats weird o_o
anywayss, wen i was walking past em, both of em just suddenly said" ur really really pretty". Lmao i thought that was sooo cute. espicially wen i thought i looked so crappy that day...Lol messy hair, pimples & my ugly black glasses. But they made me happy. its always nice wen someone compliments u [: aha, but i never know how to react so i just smile wenever it happens, lol im lame , i know :/

Aha, lately i've been hearing from my girlies bout how they be getting hit on my mexicans. Lol, girls, i totally feel for youu. OMG, not being racist okay, but usually the mexicans that be hitting on young hs girls r hella old, ugly, and fat. forreals! dude, check urself before u be hitting on lil girlies. wat makes them think they would actually have a chance. it's just soo creepy.
i remember back wen i was in sf, everytime that happened i would get chills, like damn get away from me u pedo.
Lol, but i guess old pervs are everywhere ]: but in china , they would just stare. which is a bit less creepy. but still. ew.
It's funny how girls get happy when hot guys check em out but grossed out by the others. lmao, oh wells , thats just how we are. [:
kays, i've blabed alot, ima end it now, nites ppl <3

On Vacation [:

so its officially day 1 of being in XiAn. mhm..i think i have a problem, idk i dont really connect wif my relatives, cept my grandma. hehe ilh. but the other ones..no..in fact its akward being alone wif em ;p
But w/e, glad im on vacation, i forreals need a getway or ima go crazy. well im not gonna be a drama queen & say my life is sooo bad or w/e. but it's not well either. me & bf havn't said a word to each other in 4 days...& idk..i hate that it still bothers me. grr..BUT I AM NOT GONNA TAKE THE FIRST INITIATIVE.
Like forreals, ima give him 2 weeks, if he not gonna do anything bout wat happened then it's fucking over for us. idc how much i still care bout him, i'll survive.
Plus forreals, not like nobody else would want me.
aha no, rite now, im just gonna focus on my studies, bf or not. Thats wats important rite now, & im not gonna let some guy fck me over, not even him.
But im not gonna lie about how it dont hurt...cuz it does, sometimes unbearable.
but im doing wats best for me. if he dont come to me then i know we werent meant to be. theres that quote bout "if u let someone go & they come back to you....ect"
LOl yea. so im gonna go with my head this time cuzzz....i CANNOT depend on my heart.
It doesnt do wats in my best interest.

Worst Christmas Everrrr [ warning:longass post]

Omg, yesterday was Christmas in China. It was soo shitty i dont even wanna talk about it with anyone . cuz if i do, people are gonna say, omg ur so overemotional. so ima rant here.
i was so upset yesterday, cuz i mean, its not like a once or twice thing. everything was going well until the end of the day.
YOU BROKE UR PROMISE AGAIN!
You know what fuck it all. its not like i expect u to spend every second of ur life wif me. But come on? christmas?? Let me tell u guys this. Christmas is just like any other day for everyone in China, but it's like Valentine's day for lovers. HOW THE FUCK DID U THINK I FELT

You know, everyone thinks we r so in love & so happy. hella girls was jelous of me in my class wen they saw the two hugeass stuff animals u got me. But so what?! You never even got a chance to give it to me cuz i barely even saw u for the whole day.
& When i did see you, u told me to wait for u afterschool & im like alrite. then as usual our class let on hella early, & rite after school, i ran to the cake shop in the freezing cold & bought u this hella cute cake. when i ran back, u were no where in sight.


Then people told me u were judging the singing competition in the gym. okay i accepted htat cuz i know thats ur duty. so i went w/ some friends too. & then i sat & waited for u for hella long. FORREALS, everyone htat i was sitting w/ left cept me. i just freaking sat there, ur friend was nice enough to help me look for u. But in the end they had to go too & gosh, they were soo surprised that i was STILL waiting for you. I'VE BEEN SITTING THERE ON MY ASS FOR 2 HOURS.

Then i saw u in the crowd & i could have sworn u saw me too. But u just went rite on talking to the people around u. FUCK YOU! even if u didnt see me i knew ur friends told u that i was there waiting. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO WALK TO THE BACK & SAY SOMETHING TO ME??

You know wat hurt even more, one of my classmates & her bf were rite in front of me cuddling. Gosh, i felt like total shit! && you do not know how many stares i got from randomass dudes. Fucking akward just sitting there by myself.
I couldnt take it anymore so i left...On the way home..it was soo dark & i felt so scared cuz these two men in fornt kept looking back staring at me. Forreals so i took the long way home even tho i was already late coming home. when i passed the lake, i almost wanted to dump ur fucking cake in it. but i thought to myself, why should i, i wasted hella money on this, mite as well eat it.

& when i got home, i got yelled at by parents for coming home so late. then rite wen i got home, u called my home phone. gosh i didnt want to pick up but my dad did, & i had no choice but to talk. heres how it went
Me: hello
You: eyy can u come out now
Me: no
You:Ohh come onnn, how you expect me to carry these huge stuff animals home.
Me: idk
***complete silence for 20 seconds****
You hung up

So this is how i spent my Christmas..siting at home eating my cake. Somehow, it made me feel better

But you know what, im strong, i didnt & will not cry over some stupid guy.
Idk how im gonna face u later on, but....
im thinking maybe its not so bad being single now.
I know i said im happy wen im wif u, but u also cause me so mcuh emotional distress.
& wen i sum up the happy times & sad times....guess which surpressed hte other?

"never make someone your priority when ur only an option"
seriosuly, im not gonna make my life revolve around u no more. Lol come to think of it i never did. You say im the most important person in ur life, but Saying is different than Showing.

Ha, i DONT need a man to mae me happy;
Merry Christmas to You & have a nice life.

^ p.s idk how to say all of the above to his face....But w/e
Que Sera Sera, w/e will be will be (:


I still love him a lot, and im postive he does too...but *sign

Im a emotinal mess right now

Oh & i read over my post & yes i do realize how much i sound like just any retarded teenage girl ranting about her on&off love life. Yes, i know i said i wont turn into this..but i've changed. Love changes people.

Lie about how i really feel




"I need and want a man who can face everybody and proudly shout how much he loves me. I don’t need a guy who’s only there when I ask him to be. I don’t need a boy who can never show how much he cares for me. If he can’t stand up for what he feels, how can he stand up for me?"

12/22

Happy Birthday Wifeyy!♥ see i didn't forget, hehe this whole blog is dedicated to you my lovely ;D

I know lately you havnt been at ur best & im not there to be emo w/ u , but it's okay cheer up!

Yep, i KNOW ur rainbow is gonna come soon, so just wait.

Oh & here's another picture quote for you

Sounds familiar? thats cuz i think M said it to me in middle school before. hehe but anywayssss, that dont mean the rest of us r rotten apples either!

& i miss you hella.
&&you should be happy, It's Your Sweet Sixteen, YES its a big deal, so u better have hella fun on that day. hehe i hope u go crazy ;D
i know it'll never be the same w/o me going crazy w/ chu but i think u'l manage (:
&&&if i were there right now, i would sooo bake u this cupcake for ur B-day.

hehe lovely aint it. aha, & no matter how bad my bakary tastes, u still gotta eat it no matter what. muahahah, & get stomachache later. LOL jks.
&&&& Remeber! ily! ♥

aha & you know how they LOVEEEEE math class ;D

News Flash

Okay so turns out im not leaving for XiAn this week. the trip is on the thirty-th this month [: so yay, i get to spend Christmas with my bf ^-^ i hope he dont let me down again tho -_- i know he dont mean to let me down at times but he does it w/o noticing & that's why it's hard to stay mad at him..

cuz cuz...everytime im in a bad mood, i spend some time with him & he ALWAYS manages to make me smile again. he has that magical effect on me.


True, im glad i dont gotta put on a mask around him like i do to everyone else. & dont tell me to just be myself to everyone else, dont tell me anything unless u've been through it walking in my shoes. I cant be myself around em, im too complicated. they will never get me. At least the girls here never will....& i will never get them & their stupid pointless drama either. So it's a waste of time & energy if i keep thinking bout y it'll never work out wif em. cuz the answer is simple," me & them are from two different worlds"

Sometimes i feel like im losing myself..the old me, confident, independent, and happy me. But when im with him, i feel more like the real me than i can ever be around anyone else here. In fact, having him there makes "me" into a even better me. (:

"i love you not only for you, but for who i am when im with you" <3

Treat Others the Way You Wanna Be Treated

yes, i know most of you probably been hearing this quote for quite some time now. & You know wat, it applies to almost everyone.

Anways tell me tell u all how i got on this subject. Lately my dad's been so annoying. Gosh & im gonna try hard to not make this a "omg i hate my parent" post cuz i dont but sometimes it can be hard to bear.

Like forreals, why does he think its always nessecary to yell at me wen i do something wrong. Do he think htat will solve the problem or make me like him more? NO

example, today, i came home late -_- well not really late but it just seems late cuz winter mkes the sky go dark hella quick. Basically i just came home at 7:30 wen i was suppose to come at 6:30. But gosshhh, i just wannted to spend a few more minutes laying in my bf's arms,sitting on the swinging bench, telling him about all the stress thats been building up inside me lately. forreals, I WILL EXPLODE IF I DONT!
PLUS i already called my mom telling her i'd be late.

But like rite wen i got home, my dad started yelling & bitching. yea, home sweet home huh -_- The more he yelled the more hate built on inside me. My mom however, didnt yell, but she didnt look too happy either. she just told me to hurry up & eat dinner. so me & my mom were eating & i apologized to her & said it'll never happen again. Then me & my mommy were bffs again & started talking about my day & how it went.

Seriously, i freaakinnng love my mom. she's the best <3 lol u guys can make fun of me for calling my mom my bff but she is. she is the one person that'd never judge me & would do anything for me & i love her for that. plus we never run outta subjects to talk about. hehe, im lucky to have a such a great mom. So this is wat i mean by Treat Others the Way You Wanna be Treated. If my dad's gonna keep bitching at me then i aint backing down either. But my mom treats me nicely so i will do the same for her too. Aha, but i guess they are both my parents & i gotta love em no matter what -_- but there's no rule that says u gotta like em equally [;

Summer >Winter

I know i've said this before but i hella missed the summer nights spend with you.
*sign...
Now it's winter & the nights are too freezing cold & too dark to go out.
But it doesn't hurt to reminese [ <--idk how to spell that]
During winter idk...i just feel so lost in the crowd.. everyone wearing em big poofy jackets all rushing to be somewhere...

Summer was more relaxing.. [:

hehe & this was basically wat we did. & i missed how u would surprise me with my favorite ice cream treats. aha even tho most of the times, it would have already melted. i missed how we would lay down & star gaze.


it was amazing & i miss it.


Baby take me away to summer once more (:

Harvestmoon

Oh Gosh u guys, i started playing Harvestmoon again on my DS ;D
Lol no matter how boring that game gets i still love to play, aha ohh this brings me back to the middle school days. the game obssessive days. Lol


p.s. im a multimillionaire on Harvestmoon ;DD
yes yes, but it's cuz of the cheat i found online.
this made me realize something, wen u have everything u ever wanted w/o working for it, it gets boring, same applies to real life (:
So always remember
"Anything Worth Having is Something Worth Fighting For"

This is What I Tell Him All the Time ;D

Plans for next week

Oh i get to miss two days of school next week (: going to XiAn to visit my beloved grandma. hehe i love her so much, even tho she totally spoils me. aha
Well next week is suppose to be our class's turn to do "patroling"
basically means u get to miss classes cleaning the school & checking up on other classes. um yea...but seriously, i'd do anything to get out of class, cuz like during cleaning u get to talk w/ other ppls ^-^
&& in the morning u gotta come early & stand in front of the classes ur suppose to watch. ahaha i got the juniors, class 4. omg, i soo dont mind cuz damn there r lotta hotties in that hallway ;D
^oh no, mind cheating ._.

But i just realized Christmas if next week too o_o i guess i wont be spending Christmas in Beijing. lol but its alrite i guess, china dont got much holiday spirits. still i'd still be nice to get to spend christmas with my bf. Ugh but we even have school on Christmas -_-


>>flashback..lol, i just kinda remembered wat happened at around this time last year o_o LOL! randomass thoughts. havnt even thought about that in a while. lol i was so retarded back then -_-

Confessions Set #2

1.Laltely he's been on my mind less & less..i wonder why..is it cuz its been a hell of a busy week? or ....mhm nvm. idk, but know that just because i don't think about u as much anymore don't mean i don't miss you as much as before.


2.I hate those fcking spoiled girls who don't even realize that they are so fcking spoiled. i mean when ur judging others, take a mirror to look at urself first okay. why u be talking about him only being smart cuz he take outside classes? at least he works harder than u. & u saying its a waste of time to work so hard cuz in the end, money is all what really matters wen getting into a good school? the fuck. u don't know how stupid u sound.

3.I cant stand those wishy washy guys
If u like a girl, just be straight forward about it. that dont mean immediately confessing or something. Just flirting or introdis alrite. But when u guys be acting like a mute stalker everytime u see the girl u like. that's freaking creepy & lame. STOP.

4.I wonder who u are.
ur friend's sis told me about u. now every morning i check the 335 busstop to try to figure out who u are. aha, but i consider u the mute stalker type of guys if u havn't gotten up the courage to talk to me all these times. Lol but that doesn't mean i ain't curious tho ;p

5.I think love letters are nice [: no not like a txt or a email, just a simple heartfelt love letter written on paper. that's sweet

Yummy Foods

mhm...craving some right now

Leighton Meester

Still can't get over how perfect this picture is, Gosh she is soo pretty.
A perfectt 10! <33

A Very Wise Person Said..

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

In 2009 I ...

[x] missed someone
[ ] celebrated Halloween
[ ] had your heart broken
[x] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
[joke] someone questioned your sexual orientation
[joke] came out of the closet
[ ] gotten pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[x] done something you’ve regretted
[x] broke a promise
[x] hid a secret
[all the time] pretended to be happy
[x] met someone who changed your life
[x] pretended to be sick
[not gonna go back for a while ]: ] left the country
[x] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[x] ran a mile
[x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
[ ] got into an argument with your friends
[x] Hated someone
[ ] stayed single the whole year


The years are going by so fast, *Sign..2010 soon o_o what have i even accomplished?

Boringass Day

I want an itouch. Lol seems like everyone got one these days..well not in china, cuz they just use superr high-tech phones here (: yeah, main reason i want an itouch is so i can go online. u can do that with cell phone but that costs helluh -_-

Anyhow, updates on my day.
Congrats to me! i broke my ditching streak. yeah, & lately i can see myself improving-ish. well at least im starting to think hw is hella easy now [: so yay, i guess im back on track ? yes, i hope it stays this way.

Social life is blah, stupid drama again. gosh i swear, girls needa stop hating on each other. im trying not to get caught up in their drama but it's hard...ur involuntarily dragged in when u keep hearing stories from both sides. *sign, it's all so stupid but i dont give a fuck no more. one more year & i'll be outta this school. i know im not gonna keep any friends that i made here & thats cool cuz i don't really expect much from "those" kind of friendships anyways.

Um lets see..afterschool,my friend dragged me to go watch the dance competition[part of art festival], most of em were pretty boring. But damn...there was this one group. hehe they break dance hella good ! these twins was in the group. & omgg! i swear they must be perfect or something. they're hella good looking, tall, they win first place in everything athletic-wise, grades are helluh good,and has good style. o_o Oh such perfection. lol no wonder so many girls like em. hehe. & if ur wondering, no thanks, im good...for now ^-^ but yea, i admit, guys get so much hotter when they break-dance.

Okay here's a random question i wanna ask:
Is it me or do it seem like all hot guys seem to know one another? is it like a mutual connection or what? o_o
idk..just wondering.

Mhm..finnished hw while watching TV. hehe i love it how it's only me & my mom home cuz she actually lets me do that. aha besides, hw is pretty easy so i can half concentrate while half watching TV.
After the show ended, i went to finnish writing the letter to Best Friend. hehe, yesh now im done sealing the envelope & writing the address.
planning to mail it on the weekends. so be patient dumbbutt ;D
hehe we so old-fashioned i know, but it's really rare these days to recieve a "Real" letter & i think that's pretty cool.
Getting sleepy, gonna go to bed now,
Gnite World.

Wishful Thinking

There's only one place i wanna be rite now, well two...in & my bf's arms & back in SF. LOl how about in my bf's arms in SF ;D ohh, i wish.

It's almost Christmas..i wish i was back there w/ u guys...it's sad. i wanna spent Christmas with my best friends..just like last year...wait, i forgot what we did last Christmas but i remembered it was fun & warm.
*sign..gotta stop living in the past. Still IMY!

I hate em asian peoples here. So Fucking What If We Show PDA, close ur fucking eyes if u dont wanna look then. assholes. but noo instead u guys would actually follow us & stare at us& be telling us to get a room. Fuck You ! Don't hate just cuz u guys cant get girls yet u guys talk about getting some how the time!
okay yea, bitch moment right there, im calm now.

You Wanna Know What I Want For Christmas?
I want you to spend more time with me. :/ thats all.
simple right? but why is it so hard to accomplish...
&& i want my best friend with me right now.
She's the best (:


Summer time & it's memories..i wish it was summer again.
That way i can look forward to seeing ur face everynight we'd go strolling around the neighborhood park,climb the waterfall,stare at the stars, listen to the night sounds & occationally doing some other stuff
*wink [;

My Ipod

I was hella upset today..i hate my life..it's just one bad thing after another ]:
my ipod got stolen today while i was riding the subway ]: & Rite when i was listening to it too! the next thing i knew, all i had left was an earphone hanging & no ipod.
Music is the only thing that gets me going these days...what am i gonna do now ):
& an ipod in china is so freaking expensive, what am i gonna do

A bunch of things has been going on lately, grades, drama,relationship issues & dad kept bitching at me at home...When i got home & told my mom i lost it, she just yelled at me & said i deserved it for being so careless & bringing it out in the first place.
That was just the last straw, i went into the bathroom & hella just cried my heart out. i looked into the mirror & the girl i see doesn't even look like me no more..i dont even know who am i anymore...

Only good news so far was that my dresses i made for the arts festival made it to the finals, i was in a good mood that day but dad just had to ruin it again by biching at me T_T
i hate my life...hate it soo much.

My Insecurities Is Killing Me

When I saw you,
I was afraid to meet you.
When I met you,
I was afraid to kiss you.
When I kissed you,
I was afraid to love you.
Now that I love you,
I am afraid to lose you.



Too bad my mind just thinks too much.

let me update what happened between us on Friday.
I told my friend i was scared that something was up between me & him. then she saw how emo i was during lunch so after lunch, she pulled me up to him & forced us to talk. Lol OMG! I LOVEE HER FOR THAT! so yea, after that, our week of akwardness finally ended. He told me to wait for him afterschool so i did. his class letting out hella late...as usual -_- hate his goddamn teacher.

WE walked home & then we got on this topic...& he made me hella pissed. it was almost as if he was purposely trying to make me jelouse, WTF is his problem, i mean wats the reason behind telling me all that. to make me feel more insecure than i already am or to make me think ur a pedo. Gosh, such a jerk...i hate that i fall for jerks -_-
*sign...i wanna believe that he said all those to make me treasure him more, to hold on to him more & not take him for granted...cuz i admit it. lately i HAVE been acting kinda off.
BUT GOSH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ALL THOSE THINGS??! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO THINK OF YOU???

u make me unsure & sad now...
yet i still want you...so bad.
hehe, when we stood under the trees, we kept electric shocking each othe everytime we touched. Lol, i guess u can say we have a spark between us. (: there was this quiet moment where you held me & whispered to my ear: "did u miss me?" there was doubt in ur voice ]: i said yes, But u will never have any idea of how much...cuz i will never admit it...
Im a stupid girl who fell for a stupid boy.
I hate that i have to put on a tough act all the time..even in front of my own bf, when actually...im so weak inside ]:
We havn't talked much this week, i care, & i know htat u care, yet both of us dont show it. we are so different yet so alike at the same time.
He said: " so we havn't talked much this week"
Me:" oh, really? i didn't notice, i wonder why?"
Him: "yea, I've been busy lately i guess."
^ SEE WHAT I MEAN???
no way this relationship is gonna work if we both keep at it like this. im scared...

Tired

im so worn out, so stressed, so fucking sick of my life. i know there are much people worse off than me..take ppl in africa for example, & i shouldn't complain about my life so much cuz compared to those ppl, im like a sopiled bitch, but i can't help it. everyone has their own problems in life..

It's just that i feel like all my problems have piled up..& some maybe related
#1) im having problems in school, my grades are soo sinking cuz..[ related to all of the below]

#2) i havn't really got much time the last few days with all the fixing&adding&sewing stuff on the clothes thing im making for the fashion model runway thing <---that sounds so barbie-ish lol. anyways it was today, & looking at how some other people did their's, im really not pleased about my work. even tho i didnt spent a penny on the cloth material but i spent endless hours fixing it up.[i added more decorations on it, no time for another pic tho] & now look! im stressed, im not getting enough sleep& im NOT PLEASED WITH THE FINNISH. p.s the first round was today & Oh Damn. everyone got so much beautifuler & hotter! aha, im kinda dissapointed tho. watching everyone running around getting dressed & me helping them & holding their stuff&doing their makeup. i don't like it, to be honest, i don't like doing backstage work ]: & everyone was all saying omg, why did u design clothes, u should have modeled, blah blah blah. yea..should have, could have. w/e #3) having relationship problems that my bf don't even realize. -_- yea..im just too afraid to love...& in the end..me & my stupid issues is gonna ruin us. #4) still can't stop ditching class ]< last time, stayed out too late during lunch & we ended up skipping all afternoon classes! WTF?! i know..]: #5) i hate my class! all the dumbass boys there. they r soo cruel & dispicable, i wanna spit on them! they have no respect, i swear! today, they made the geography teacher cry while swearing at them. it was so painful to watch cuz they was just laughing when she was crying. during the whole classtime, they was just saying how no one cares about geography, even dogs wouldn't listen to her talk, her class is shit...etc. i mean forreal! are they even human? they are the reason why the classroom is so noisy, & Sometimes it don't even feel like a classroom, feels like a zoo! how are we suppose to keep a calm peice of mind during class when there's all those shit happening around us? #6) Im so alone, i have said this a million times yet im still gonna say it. sometimes it feel like the only one i can lean on is myself now..

IN ALL, IM JUST SO STRESSED! these two days i just wanna cry but the tears wouldn't fall...i want to be in the comfort of my bf's arms but he's always not there..& i dont wanna be the kinda gf to hog up all his time cuz i know how annoying that can be to his friends. & lately his good friend just got dumped & is hella heartbroken, so he just hella clings on to my bf now...i see them always together, & i just feel so..idk..words can't describe how i feel. today i saw after school, i was at the bus stop & i saw em walking in my direction.[ they didn't see me] i just turned & left..idk why i even did that! & yesterday, i saw them two again except they were in front of me, i just kept walking slower until i couldn't see em no more.. im so weird, i dont even get myself sometimes, i crave his company yet i chose to avoid him. wats wrong with me?

Shitty Day ]:

yea..i so felt that this morning. i couldnt wake up cuz i was too sleepy so was late to class.
OUTLINE OF MY DAY : [ Tuesday Schedual]
1 period English : late to class, then slept
2 period Geography: shitty class but actually paid attention
3 period Math: fight broke out between teacher & student. Lol it was like a staring contest. ahaha. so this period went by hella fast
4 period Chinese: finnished the hw i didnt do last nite
5 period Chinese: went to library to do reading
Lunch: went to this shopping place near school & lost track of time...again ~!
6 period Physics: was 20 minutes late to class, & the 3 of us were pussies, we were too scared to go in cuz our physics teacher is like beyoooonnnnnd scary! so chilled at the stairways.[ i know...i ditched again -_- && A MAIN COURSE THIS TIME!! GRR] we were lucky the teacher didnt find out
7 period P.E: was planning to ditch this but decided to be a good girl for the day & did what i was suppose to do this class..which was runn ! omg..hella tired & sore
8 period Art: hella ppl ditched this to work on their clothing for the school arts festival.[ it's in 2 days ] Lol all crowded up in the 5th floor bathroom.i went with them but then decided to go to class 10 minutes later cuz...I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS CLASS (: finnished some classwork & had time to do another painting. hehe loved it
0 period: Rope Pulling Competitions [: only six classes left & there's gonna be 3 number ones. lol so our class won. yay, but i swear..these people are just soo ugh..COCKY BEYOND WORDS! in chinese.
After School: Some dramatic shit happened...arguements over some online comments this gurl from another class wrote about our class. I SWEARR! THIS PEOPLE ARE SOOO STUPID! so like in the end, they pissed of that class's teacher, class prez almost got expelled, & two people got so mad that they cried.
Walked home alone today..got some time to clear my mind on shit. Walking in the dark winter streets with my ipod, so dark that ppl can't see my face, mhm..i like that feeling.

Smile at the City Lights

Idk why, now that i look at it over all. my day wasn't so bad ..but i just feel really shitty. and inside my mind...i know the real reason why i feel like this...i hate that this is my reason...it's not good..im getting too dependent..too weak.
So i havnt's spent time with my bf all day..WTF, i know, such a stupid reason, u guys are probably thinking so what?
BUT IT MATTERS TO ME & IM GOING CRAZY. WHAT HAVE I BECOME??! i use to be so indepent..now? grr..im sooo addicted to him it's crazy. i want him by my side 24/7 becuz when im with him..this happy feeling of comfort & security just rushes to me. I want him by my side right now sooo bad.

omg...im just gonna admit it now. im falling so much harder for him than i intended to in the first place. ima be honest now..i thought this was gonna be just a fling when we first started going out & now. IM SOOO FCKING IN LOVE WITH THIS BOY!
they say that the more you like somebody's personality, they get better looking to you. Lol i think he's oh so flaming hot now. is it him or is it me? hehe i just melt everytime i see him.
Oh & he's so sweet, he wears that necklace i gave him everyday now(: hehe & i DO check! oh yessir, going kinda overboard XP
Page #3 from Quotes Notebook:

Yea I'm Gonna play with my Heart now .


Okay no...IM GONNA FORCE MYSELF TO STOP THINKING BOUT HIM & DO MY HW NOW. i wanna be able to prove that i can be in a relationship & get good grades at the same time.

p.s You know thaat big physics test i bombed last Friday? well got it back today. got a 55%. omg that's actually pretty alrite! highest score in the whole grade was a 84% so it just goes to prove how hard that test was. bf got a 80% rawr, soo smart. anyways! gonna work harder! so regret that i cut physics today..I CAN'T AFFORD TO CUT ANY OF THE MAIN COURSES! im gonna be harder on myself next time & force myself to not ditch. yes yes "Jia You, Jia You!" aha

Camra whoring ^-^

yep no makeup, im kinda off of it for a while, Lol can u believe it, me the makeup addict, hehe but yea, going natural now [:

CLOSE UP:

hehe loved my hair [:


hella cute necklace, it was such a bargain too ;D