well...to start, its not the best days of my life, but nobody can tell. im laughing, "acting" happy, rolling around in the snow,"pretending" to be fine, and purposely avoiding him. its getting tiring cuz it seems like he's everywhere. Okay, so here's my situation. It's not that he's not willing to spend time with me. But he...how should i say this, he is not those needy bfs. he's not the type of bf to just suddenly surprise u wif a visit,even if he wants to see you Nooo, everything has to be planned first -_-
& if he wanted to see me, he wouldnt purposely go looking for me, nooo he would make it seem like an accidental bump in. I KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT, happened way to many times. ITS SOOO LAME.
HE CARES TOO MUCH ABOUT PRIDE.
i hate that, i keep telling myself how much i hate him right now but i cant.i thought he wasnt at school today cuz he was sick or something & i got so sad. It's sooo stupid cuz i dont even talk to him no more but i just wanna know he's there!
he smiled today....it was somewhat in my direction but i think it was cuz he just hit someone wif a snowball...his eyes meet mine & we had a 1 sec moment & i just looked away. idk why...but i got butterfies...he just looks soo sweet.
Im fcking crazy, nobody knows my pain. nobody knows our situation cept for a few ppl, but those ppl thinks i dont wanna talk to him no more.
i guess theres many reasons things came to this. for example, its winter, we cant go out at night no more & theres no time on weekends. & i gots no cell....Like i said before...very hard to have a love life in china w/o a cell. lame but true as hell.THERES A MILLION REASONS BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS:
nobody wanna make the first move. if u dont then fine. i'll accept it cuz i sure as hell is not. & i think ur so lame, i know u wanna talk to me cuz ur just always "aciidentally" there, but u dont even say anything. You know theres something wrong yet u do nothing to fix it. idk about how things work here in china,or if its all normal, but im done. i think i deserve better.Theres many times when i wanna feel like i miss u so bad, but noo, i've lost my pride over u few too many times. maybe now its ur turn.
For now..it's just hella dragging, i know i should tell talk to him about it face to face, but i think he dont even deserve that. So u know wat, let it drag. & in time we will all get over it. i know i will. i dont believe time heals everything, but it definitely fades the pain.
"So, we've become strangers and I think we're both doing a pretty good job. But, despite our best efforts, we'll always be strangers with a past."
From my quotes notebook; some parts were cut off, it goes like this :
"It's sad when people u know become ppl u knew. when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How u use to be able to talk for hours and how now, u can barely even look at them
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