2/25/10, Our First Fight.

I don't wanna mention what the fight is about cuz that's personal...but yeah, it really got me pissed to think my bf would say something like that to another girl, even if he was fucking joking. His reason? becuz i told him to. Wtf, i was kidding!

So yesterday, the more i thought about it the more pissed i got. First time i actually got angry with him in front of him. i don't like being emotional okay. so yeah, he was tryna make it up to me but i kept saying "go away". he even said, come on, if ur mad, hit me, take it out on me kay? hit as hard as u like. Wtf? how could i have the heart to hit him, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO! of course, i could never hurt him like that....& i DO hit hard, i wouldnt forgive myself if i actually made him bruised :/ So, he kept following me & i got madder, so i yelled at him to stop, but he's all like, its in my free will to go whereever i wanna, u cant tell me wat to do. then we walked in silence, wen we got to this fence, he freaking pushed me against it, and wouldn't let me go. But forreals guys, the more i thought about it the more pissed i got ,so i kept using helluh force pushing him away....it looked like rape..we got awkward stares O_O

then....in a helluh sad voice, he said : "dont push me away"...somehow, that sentence seemed like it had another meaning to it. so yeah, again we stood in silence, with my arms limp on sides :/

after a while, he finally let go. By this time, i was madd to the extremes! he was tryna make me feel better but in the end,you know wat i ended up saying?
it's cruel & untrue but people say things they dont mean wen they're mad okay.
Here's how it went:
Me: You know wat? im gonna straight up tell you this, you can do watever u want from now on, because i dont give a damn no more cuz i no longer love you
Him: Don't say that
Me: I-SIMPLY-DONT-CARE-ANYMORE
Him: You sure?
Me: yes.
*he walked away.....
so to get to my house i gotta walk the same direction as him. psh, from the back, he looks as care free as ever. wen i got to the entrance, i walked in. That's wen i started regreting wat i said, and helluh thoughts went through my mind then. I was thinking about how sad i would be if the guy in my life was anyone else BUT him, & about how a part of me would be missing, about how akward we would be, about how much i still love him.....

I did, something i never did in my life...my legs just chased after him. yeah, it was a long run cuz he was pretty much way ahead of me. I chased until i saw him in sight...then i stoped. i wanted to call out his name, but i was mute...
so i followed him for a few minutes.
That's wen he finally let go of the act...it was so sad to watch....his head went helluh down, his pace slowed, and i saw his arm doing the tear-wiping motion ):
I couldn't resist anymore, so i just ran up from behind and hugged him. we stood like that for a minute, it was weird cuz cars & ppl passed O_O but i didnt care at the moment. After a while tho, i felt so stupid but doing that and i started to let go but he wouldnt let me.
Another minute passed...................
he finally looked back at me.......his eyes....holy shit, at that moment i wanted to hit myself -____-

Then more silence& tight hugs then we finally talked. He said we were seriously over after i said that,,,but he said that even if we werent together, we'd still be friends, best friends, he'd still talk to me, walk me home...
I said, i dont think i would accept us being just friends. Then i told him i regreted wat i said, and i got really sad.
Then he said he would never wanna be with anyone else but me, and that he really loves me with all his heart,i was the only one, and that he never would have thought i would chase him & that he was really happy i did, yadda yadda yadda, mushy stuff :x

um um um, then after that i said something to him that i normally wouldn't. i said that at that moment, i really wanted to XXXX. *cough yeah....it was a in the moment thing. But what he said totally took me by surprise O_O
He said that most of the time he really is a big pervert ;p but he said that even if i wanted to do taht with him. He would resist because he wanted to protect me &that he'd be able to wait becuz he really loves me. Lmao, then he added, "#*@^, i wasnt planning to tell you,oh well"

aha, by tat time fireworks went on behind us. it was as if it was celebrating for us lol.
i had a good nice, warm feeling even tho we were both HELLUH freezing. hehe then it was happy time ;D *cough
It got really late & we both gotta go, but we were helluh reluctant. he's a meanie, wouldnt let me kiss him one last time cuz he says taht'll make me come back for more ;p
Aha, well anyways, got home really late & was helluh late to family dinner. everyone was waiting for me & i felt really bad but im glad they understood. i stayed extra long talking to them. Finally decided to start hw, but had to return a call to my friend first.He was telling me my bf's friend asked him to call me asking where my bf was. Gosh, honestly, i dont like that firend of his. It seems liek he hogs all of my bf's time -_- i dont like it..but wat can i do, i needa give em guy time too :/ *sign Ended up talking for an hour, then dad yelled. so it was nine-ish already, but five min. later answered another call, dad yelled again. ]:
So i switched to texting. Got so sleeeeeeeeeepy, i just gave up on hw. yep the end. That was how Feb. 25 went. Happy ending at least (:

p.s That was a long post it got a lil more personal than i intended hehe. but it's okay i guess, i didnt tell many ppl my blog address, so its pretty much private-ish (: